Coma

Rating: R
Disclaimer: All of the materials borrowed from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel belong to Joss Whedon and to the entities and companies associated with their creation. I have borrowed them for creative and entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been or ever shall be received for the writing below. No copyright infringement is intended. Please don't sue
Distribution: The Kennedy Fanfic Archive: http://www.kennedyfanfic.com/fanfic/
Wolf Tales: http://www.elfie.org/~wolfkin/wolftales/index.html
If you are interested in posting my story on your site, please contact me first for permission.
Feedback: Yes, please. Any type you wanna send. Can't fix what I don't know is broken, right?
Spoilers: Show's been off the air since May of 2003. Can they still be considered spoilers?
Author's Notes: I have kept to the BtVS/Angel canon to the end of the season 7 episode Storyteller. From there, the story is a little different.
F/F romance: This story assumes a loving and sexual relationship between people of the same gender. If this offends or is illegal for you, then please leave. Come back when you are older, have an open mind, moved, or changed your laws.
Pairing: Willow/Kennedy

Summary: In the middle of trying to fight the First, Willow gets a phone call. But, is it good news... or bad? Story starts between the seventh season episodes, Storyteller and Lies My Parents Told Me, and goes forward from there, slightly AU.

Chapter 1

Late afternoon sunlight spills through open drapes and across the carelessly splayed out books and papers on the dining room table at 1630 Revello Drive. Alternating typing and reading, Willow intently watches the screen of her laptop as she tries, yet again to find more direct or indirect references to the First. Her sources had pretty much been exhausted weeks ago, but, still, she had to keep looking, had to contribute something. Ever since the last time she'd tried to use magic to help out had failed so spectacularly, she'd been research girl day and night.

Well, days, anyway. Kennedy insisted on her leaving the computer to eat and sleep and had, on more than one occasion, shut the computer off in her face to get her to leave it for a few hours. She'd been furious the first time, and it had taken her new girlfriend quite a while to calm her back down. It was a good thing she was so damned sexy, Willow had thought at the time. Kennedy repeated the trick twice more, with the redhead just sighing, then grinning at her girl the last time, knowing she was right. That she needed to take a break sometimes, but was obsessing and not paying attention to herself, so, the brunette did it for her.

Willow smiles when she thinks of the potential Slayer. She still wasn't sure how she'd done it, but the beautiful, dark eyed girl had quickly wormed her way into her heart and the witch recognizes all the signs that she's falling for the SiT. Falling fast, if passed experiences are any indication. She thinks the younger girl feels the same, though neither of them has had the nerve yet to say anything.

The hacker returns her attention to the computer screen as yet another fruitless search comes back. Sighing, she looks up and toward the back door, her eyes unfocused as she tries for the thousandth time to rephrase a question that can't be answered.

Movement in the kitchen attracts her attention and her mind returns to let her see what it is. She smiles when she sees Kennedy, Vi, Rona and several other potentials coming in from their latest training session. Willow's smile gets bigger and she stands, catching Kennedy's eye as she does.

The brunette looks into the dining room and smiles at her girl, breaking off from the others and heading into that room. Willow moves toward her and the couple meets in a tight embrace and soft kiss.

Pulling away, slightly, Kennedy grins and teases, "Hi, honey. I'm home!"

Willow scowls playfully and swats at her, then laughingly kisses her again quickly. "Do you have to patrol tonight, or do I have you all to myself?"

Kennedy smiles broadly, clearly excited. "Nope, no patrolling tonight. I was thinking we have a picnic for dinner, then maybe go to the bronze, dance a little, maybe?"

Willow's smile gets as happy as her Slayer in training's. "That sounds so great!" She hugs her girl tightly, but swiftly. "Where do you want to go? For the picnic, I mean."

"Well, with the bringers and ubervamps around, I was thinking we probably should stay close, so that back left corner of the backyard? In case we need help?"

Willow is a little impressed. Usually, Kennedy prefers to take the chances and show everyone how tough she is. "Yeah, uh, that would be good. Perfect, in fact. And, Buffy wouldn't worry so much about us."

"It's settled then." The dark haired SiT kisses the redhead's lips chastely. "I'll go get everything ready. Say, half an hour?"

Willow nods and smiles. "That would be just right. I could finish one more thing with my research, then I'm all yours!"

Kennedy gives the wicca her sexiest smile and leans in, placing her lips near her girl's ear. "Like the sound of that," she teases, bringing a little blush to Willow's cheeks. Chuckling at her witch's reaction, the potential presses one more kiss to the redhead's lips, then goes back into the kitchen.

Willow watches her leave, her mind racing ahead and she shivers in anticipation. [Soon,] she thinks to herself. She wants to make love to her girlfriend so badly, but, every time she manages to conquer her fears about losing control and going evil again, something happens. Their room gets a bunch of girls dumped in there to sleep, or a normal Scoobie emergency happens and has to be dealt with, or she just simply looses her nerve and gives in to her fears. She knows it has to be getting to Kennedy, but the brunette hasn't said anything, not really. Oh, plenty of flirting and suggestions, but she's respected Willow's wishes completely.

Her thoughts then turn darker as she wonders, not for the first, or even the hundred and first time, what would have happened to her had the beautiful, headstrong girl not pushed her way into her life and heart. The witch shudders and forcibly shoves those thoughts aside and thinks of Kennedy, the little things she does to show she cares. Like the picnic, Willow thinks happily. It's the kind of romantic gesture she's slowly coming to expect from someone she's learning is far more complex than she'll ever show anyone. Anyone but her, that is.

Willow herself has discovered depths to Kennedy and her personality that anyone else who ever met the gruff, plain spoken girl would laugh at her for even mentioning. That's ok, though, because that just makes Kennedy more hers.

She shakes her head, smiling and moves back to the table to restart her web searches once more, but the phone picks that moment to ring. Sighing, she picks it up. "Summers residence, hello."

A tired sounding female voice is on the other end. "Yes, hello. I'm trying to reach a Mister Rupert Giles. Can he be reached at this number?"

Willow gets a little concerned. She knows the voice of everyone who knows Giles is in this country and this one is new. "Yes, he can, but he's not here right now."

"This is the long term care ward at Sunnydale Memorial. Mr Giles left several contact numbers with us, but this is the only one that was still active. Can a message be left for him at this number?"

'The hospital?' Willow thinks, starting to panic. 'Who-I mean, there's no-I thought everyone was-' The internal babble almost overwhelms her, then she gets control as she realizes that everyone is here and ok, at least as of this morning. 'It must be someone Giles knows.' She feels relief over this thought, then remorse that she is happy that someone Giles knows is ill.

"Yes, I can give him a message. He kinda lives here and will be back tomorrow."

The redheaded wicca listens intently as the hospital person starts their message, then the blood drains from her face and she goes so pale, if anyone saw her, they'd swear she was dead. In a deadly quiet, trembling voice, she asks, "Who? Who did you say?" Her voice is filled with terror. Terror that she's heard wrong. Terror that she's heard correctly.

Kennedy walks back into the room just as Willow pales even more. The SiT sees the beautiful green eyes she loves to stare into roll up and watches in horror as Willow drops.

"Willow!" she screams, dashing forward, trying to catch her before she hits. She half makes it, cushioning her girl's head before it can hit the hardwood floor.

Her yelling attracts Buffy and she enters the dining room at a run. Looking around, she takes in the scene she finds at a glance and turns instantly to Kennedy. "What happened?" Her voice is harsh as she flashes into Slayer mode without thought.

Kennedy looks at the Slayer, her eyes worried as she absently strokes Willow's hair, shaking her slightly. "I don't know! I was in the kitchen, fixing us dinner. The phone rang and I came in to see what was going on. She looked like she was seeing a ghost, then she fainted." She looks into her redhead's face, then back up at Buffy, unshed tears in her eyes. "She won't wake up."

Buffy hears the words, but her protective instincts fully aroused, she only processes the word phone. "The phone? Give." She holds out an imperious hand and Kennedy retrieves it and tosses it to her before returning her attention back to Willow.

"Who is this?" the blonde demands of the person on the telephone.

"Oh, hello!" the hospital person says, sounding relieved. She'd heard a little of what was going on and was on the verge of hanging up and sending the EMTs. "This is the desk in the long term care ward at Sunnydale Memorial. I was trying to reach a Rupert Giles and the other young woman said he could be reached at this number."

Now Buffy is confused, and, in her current mood, getting angry. "The hospital? Fine. He'll be back sometime tomorrow. What's the message?"

"He asked to be notified if Miss Maclay awoke from her coma. She did last night."

The Slayer is shocked from her anger, her own face paling. She feels her eyes widening, her breathing speeding up. She couldn't have heard right. "Could you repeat that? The name."

"A Miss Tara Maclay."

Chapter 2

Buffy pales considerably, but stays on her feet. "Thank you," she manages, her voice only a little strained. "Someone will be there in a little while." She hangs up without waiting for a response. Turning, she finds Kennedy on her knees, Willow's head cradled in her lap. "How is she?"

The potential looks up, her fear plain on her face. "She won't wake up, Buffy! What was the call?" she looks back down at her girl. "Who was it?"

[Not ready to answer that,] Buffy thinks. "Help me get her to the sofa. She'll be more comfortable there, right?"

Kennedy only nods and stands back as the Slayer easily lifts her best friend and moves her to the living room couch. Once she's there, the Slayer-to-be fusses with pillows and a light blanket, trying to cover her worry as best she can. She's never seen anyone really faint is unsure what to do.

Sitting down on the edge of the sofa, Kennedy takes Willow's hand in her own, willing her beautiful redhead to return to her. Her eyes suddenly slash back to the blonde standing looking over her shoulder. "You didn't answer me, Buffy. What was that call? Why did it cause her to faint?"

Buffy hesitates, then answers truthfully. "It was the hospital calling with an update on a friend's condition, that's all."

Kennedy looks back at Willow's still pale face and feels herself starting to get angry. "Must have been a really good friend. Who was it? I can't think of anyone you guys have introduced us to that it might be, so who?"

Again, the petite blonde hesitates. Sighing, she admits, "Apparently, it's Tara in there."

The brunette's face scrunches up in annoyance and confusion. "Tara? Tara, who?" The her face falls as the pieces tumble into place and her eyes open wide. "Tara?!? As in, her dead girlfriend, Tara? That Tara?" her voice rising in tone and volume as she speaks.

When Buffy doesn't answer immediately, Kennedy turns to look at her, but the Slayer looks away. "Buffy, I gotta know!" Kennedy pleads

"Yes," the older girl answers simply. Buffy turns her head to look directly in the younger woman's eyes. "Yes, that Tara."

Kennedy looks back at Willow, her mind running faster than it's ever done before, the implications of this screaming through her thoughts. Her first thought, [So? She's dead, or was. Willow moved on and is with me now.] is the Slayer in her, answering a challenge. Her second thought, though, causes her soul to die. [If she is alive, then Willow belongs with her, not me. I can't stand in the way.], followed closely by the thought, [Maybe she'll choose to stay with me.]

Her thoughts start racing, going through all the variations on those three ideas, til she thinks her head will explode. With a soft growl, she shakes her head violently, stilling her mind. [Later,] she thinks. [Willow needs me now.]

Willow, feels her mind waking up, though she doesn't remember laying down for a nap. Her eyes slowly open and the first thing she sees is Kennedy beautiful face peering anxiously at her. She smiles, thinking of how this gorgeous potential Slayer is all hers. [My own personal Slayer!] she giggles internally.

Then, cruelly, her mind dredges up the phone call that caused her to faint. [Tara?!? Alive?! No, I felt-she was- I held her and-she was gone- the gate guardian said she was-] Her mental babble hits full stride in milliseconds, so she does the only thing she can think of to make it be quiet. Lunging up, she hugs herself to Kennedy fiercely, desperate to feel her strong arms around her, for her to make it better, like she has before.

Kennedy automatically returns the embrace, finding it as needed for her as for her witch. They sit, lost in each others arms for an endless time, measured in minutes by others. She feels her own mind quiet as she luxuriates in the sensations of Willow's body crushed to her own.

Far sooner than either girl really wants, Willow pulls back a bit, just enough for them to see each other. The redhead's eyes a full of tears, some of which have begun trailing down her cheeks. Kennedy reaches up and wipes them away without thought, then again as those are replaced with fresh liquid. "It-it was real, wasn't it?" She looks at her girl, desperate for an answer, though she honestly doesn't know which answer she wants. Her tears increase, beginning to flow steadily down her face. "Please, Kennedy, tell me it wasn't a dream!"

Kennedy looks away for a second, composing her face. Pulling her eyes back, she locks eyes with Willow. "I- No, it wasn't. Buffy talked to the hospital and they told her what I think they told you."

Willow's eyes gain a haunted look, then close as she collapses into Kennedy's chest, her body wracked with sobs. Kennedy holds her without giving it any thought, her hands stroking her back and hair, as she says soothing things in her ear.

As her hands and voice try to offer comfort, the brunette's mind is seething at the thought that this might be someone's idea of a joke. She remembers vividly Amy's little 'prank' and vows to herself and any deity who might be listening, if this is someone's idea of funny, then God, demon or human, she would personally rip them apart to show how amused she was.

The couple sits like this until Willow's sobs at last begin to taper off. Still curled into the potential's body and arms, Willow tries to say, "Kennedy, I-I..." She stops, her voice broken and pain filled. "I-I didn't... I couldn't... I-I"

"Shhhh!" the brunette says, pulling her a little closer for a second, then drawing back to be able to see into her girl's face. Reaching up, she places a finer on Willow's lips. "I know you didn't know." She touches their foreheads together. "One thing I have learned about you, even in the short time we've been together, you're a one woman kind of girl. I'm pretty sure you don't even know how to cheat, so not a worry, okay?"

She locks eyes with the redhead. "I know, I know, if this is true, you had no idea until 10 minutes ago."

Fresh tears leak as Willow shakes her head. "I didn't. I swear!"

Kennedy pulls her back into a hug, laying her cheek against Willow's. "I know. It's okay, we'll find out what's going on together."

Willow smiles a little at the word together, then notices Buffy for the first time. Pulling out of her girl's embrace, but staying wrapped in her arms, the witch looks up at her best friend. "Buffy, you talked to them? They told you Tara was in a coma?"

Buffy nods. "Well, they told me she woke up last night. I don't now any more than that, Will, but we'll find out, I promise." The blonde thinks back over the brief conversation for a second. "She asked for Giles at first, then left a message. He must know what's going on, though I can't figure out why he wouldn't tell us about something like this."

"He'll be back tonight?" Kennedy asks, frowning slightly.

Buffy nods, her mind distracted as she tries to understand why Giles wouldn't tell them their friend wasn't dead. "Or in the morning, yeah."

Willow sits up straighter, unconsciously pulling away from Kennedy a little. "Buffy, I can't wait til then! Can we go to the hospital? Now?" she looks at her best friend, eyes beginning to fill with tears again, "Please?" In her distress, she doesn't even see the hurt look that slides across the brunette's face as she moves away.

Buffy, however, does notice it and she see feels a surge of sympathy for the girl. "Maybe I should go alone, Will. See what's going on, you know?" She tries to get the witch to agree, hoping that the couple can talk things over before the inevitable confrontation. "I can call when I find out anything."

Buffy looks at Kennedy meaningfully, but, in her single-mindedness, the witch misses it entirely. "Please, Buffy!" she pleads. "I have to go, have to see for myself, if she-she..." Willow stops, her tears increasing slightly.

Kennedy watches, sadly, her heart cracking. [This is what you get when you l-love someone, I guess.] The brunette has known for weeks she was in love with the redhead, deeply in love. It was a new feeling for her and she had been enjoying each new discovery, almost sure the other girl was feeling the same way, even is neither of them were ready yet to say the words out loud.

[Guess I don't have to worry about that now, huh?] She asks herself silently, not realizing how much of her thoughts were being portrayed on her face, how sad and nearly heartbroken she appeared.

The Slayer watches Kennedy, sees the emotions flitting across her tanned face. She forgets about Willow's impassioned plea, about Tara maybe being alive, about everything else as her heart goes out to the younger girl in front of her.

She can remember, just a few short weeks ago, Willow had confided in her, so excited, she was almost bouncing, that she and Kennedy had decided to make things official. "She's really my girlfriend!" the witch had giddily told her.

Now, it seemed that the redhead had forgotten completely about this new girlfriend, even though she was still being held by her, still had her own hands loosely on the potentials waist. In that moment, the blonde forgave Kennedy for all the challenges and attitude she'd given her over the last few months.

Shaking her head slightly, the Slayer refocuses her attention on Willow. Trying to get her to let her handle this, that she really needed to stay here and talk to her girlfriend, Buffy says, "Uh, listen, Will, I think that..."

"It's okay, Buffy. I'll go with her," Kennedy interrupts. "We all kinda need to know what's up, so I got this." She tries for an indifferent, who give a damn, tone, but misses it by so much, that even Willow notices.

Her expression showing horror and self-loathing, Willow mumbles, "Oh, Goddess!" She reaches up and cups the left side of Kennedy's face, gently pressing her hand to the girl's cheek. "Kennedy, I'm so sorry, I-I wasn't thinking! I-"

"No, you were thinking." Kennedy assures her. "Just not about me." Seeing the hurt, guilt-ridden look on Willow's face, she adds quickly, "It's okay, Will. I understand, I really do." She pulls away and stands, going over to the coats beside the door, returning with her own and Willow's favorite.

"Kennedy, I-"

"I said, it's okay, and I meant it." She offers the redhead her coat. "Come one. Let's go see what's going on, then we'll know if we have something to talk about."

As soon as Willow's hand closes on the jacket, Kennedy releases it and walks out the door, waiting on the porch for her and Buffy to catch up.

Willow watches her go, hears the door shut and feels her heart lurch and skip several beats. [What have I done?] she thinks, frantically. Looking up at Buffy, she repeats the question aloud. "What have I done, Buffy? I just showed her she didn't matter to me!"

Buffy considers her options, whether to go for the comforting lie or get the truth out there, in the open, so it can be dealt with. "Yep, you did. You just told and showed your new 'girlfriend', the one you've been so crazy over, you've been walking into walls over for weeks, that she's just a face in the crowd when it comes to Tara."

At the witch's stricken look, the blonde nearly stops, but then thinks that maybe she should just get this over with. "Willow, you were sitting in her arms, her trying to comfort you and all you wanted to know was how fast you could get to the hospital. You completely ignored her." Buffy shakes her head. "She must love you, cause she's still here. I wouldn't be."

Willow turns tear filled eyes up to the Slayer and Buffy finally relents. "Come on. Kennedy's right about one thing. We can talk over what to do, once we know what's what." She holds her hand out to the redhead. " Let's go."

Arriving at the hospital, the three women enter and, after a brief argument with the volunteers at the information desk, find and enter the long term care ward. When the get to the nurse's station, it takes a moment to find someone to talk to, as per usual. Finally locating a nurse, they tell him about the earlier phone call and he checks.

"Yes, we do have a patient here named Tara Maclay, in room 417. Are you family?"

Buffy nods. "Yes, I'm her cousin. All of the rest of our family is back east. Could I talk to her doctor, then see her?"

"Let me check." Her flips through the computer for a moment, then smiles a little. "Yeah, her doctor is Doctor Patterson and she's still here. I'll page her. Would you like to wait or so see your cousin now?"

"We'll wait," the Slayer assures him, looking at Willow, making sure she'll stay there.

Willow moves over to Kennedy and takes the girl's hand, flinching when the potential looks down, patently considering whether to allow the touch. Visibly relieved when she allows it, Willow says, softly, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry for what happened at the house. I just wasn't- I mean, I l-... You mean so much to me, and I didn't mean to hurt you."

Kennedy looks at her then quickly looks away. "I told you to forget it. I mean it, Red, let's just drop it til we get back to the house, okay? I really don't want to talk right now." Her eyes start scanning in the inborn Slayer manner, looking for trouble, but Willow can tell, it's just an excuse. Sighing, she just stands with her, their hands still together.

A the sound of footsteps, all three turn around and see a mid-thirties strawberry blonde walking up. "Miss Maclay?" she asks, holding out her hand.

"Summers, actually," Buffy answers. "How's Tara?" At the doctor's glance, Buffy introduces Willow and Kennedy. "These are Tara's friends and you can speak plainly in front of them."

The doctor nods. "I'm Doctor Patterson, Would you all like to sit down? I can tell you a bit about what's going on here. From what I hear, you weren't expecting this news."

"Well, no," Buffy admits as they all sit on the nearby chairs. "We all thought Tara had died almost a year ago. We even had a funeral."

Doctor Patterson nods, understanding a few things now. "No, she's very much alive, though very weak, of course. You can all see her, for a few minutes, if you'd like."

"We would, but could you tell us first, how did this happen? We really don't understand."

The doctor sighs. "Well, I can only tell you some of it. I only took over her care about a month ago. Her previous doctor, Doctor Stevens quit then and left town with his family." She stops for a second, then resumes. "Well, anyway, as I understand it, Tara was brought in as a dead in the field case. When the attendant was preparing her body, he noticed she was still warm, even though the time of death was listed as several hours earlier, so he checked and found a very weak heartbeat, but no pulse in her wrist or throat. She'd lost too much blood for there to be one there by that point.

"He immediately got her back up to Emergency and after several units of blood and surgery, she was brought here in a coma. It seems the bullet entered her body and went through a rib on both sides, before exiting. It also punctured her lung and caused a fair amount of internal bleeding, all of which was corrected by the emergency surgery that followed."

She took a deep breath, then let it out in a sigh. "Anyway, she woke up last night and among the paperwork left with her was a request that, if that happened, we contact a Rupert Giles immediately. The rest, I believe you know."

Buffy looks at the doctor for a moment, trying to process it all. She really was alive. All Willow's grief and rage and madness was for nothing. Refocusing on the woman in front of her, she smiles slightly in gratitude. "Thank you, Doctor. What happens now?"

"Well," she says, sighing again, "for now, she's incredibly weak, because she hasn't used any of her muscles for months. That means physical therapy, probably a lot." She looks at her watch. "Considering the time, why don't we worry about that tomorrow and you can go check on your cousin for yourself right now?"

The Slayer smiled again, this time more genuinely. "Yeah, that would be good, Doctor. Anytime tomorrow, of just early?"

"Anytime before noon will work just fine, Miss Summers."

""Thank you. Room 417, right?" Buffy asks, her mind already skipping ahead to the conversation she and Giles are going to have when she sees him.

The doctor nods. "That's right. I'll see you tomorrow." She wanders off to the nurse's station.

Buffy looks back at her friends, taking in Willow's burgeoning joy and Kennedy's sinking expression. "Come on." She leads them to the indicated room and they look in.

The blonde witch lies there in her bed, her hair clean, but her skin so pale, it looks see-through. Her eyes are closed, but they can tell she's only dozing.

Before Buffy can do anything else, Willow rushes passed her and practically launches herself onto the bed. She hugs Tara as best she can and showers her face with kisses. The Slayer looks at Kennedy and reached down and takes the girl's hand, wincing at the crushing grip that's immediately applied.

Tara wakes with a start, then her eyes open wide when she sees who it is. At first, she's lost in the feeling of Willow being this close to her again, but them her most recent memory returns and she tries to push the redhead away. Finally succeeding, she looks at her and says, her voice weak, but clear, "Willow, what are you doing? You know we broke up, so why are you kissing me?"

Chapter 3

Willow backs away from the bed, her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide and staring in horror. She slowly starts to shake her head, then the babble commences. "No! Tara, baby, we didn't... Well, yeah, but we fixed... You came to our room, asked me to kiss you. W-we m-made love all night! A-and a lot the next day! A-a-and Dawnie saw us and was happy. Then Warren..." she stops, shuddering. After a moment, she adds, "You came back home. Back to me." Water flows freely from emerald eyes as the witch pleads, "Oh baby, you have to remember! Please? Try to remember, please?"

Buffy moves to the side, just inside the room, her own eyes damp as she watches the emotional plea. Feeling a little uncomfortable, she looks around the room, wanting to move her eyes off the distraught pair around the bed. Looking back toward the door, her discomfort turns to pity, then a certain amount of anger, directed toward her best friend.

Her anger fades after a moment, as she remembers what she did the night she found out Angel was alive and back, how she ditched Scott Hope instantly when she saw Angel and how much he needed her. Recalling that, she can kind of understand what Willow is going through, but, for the first time, she can see the other side as she takes in the lost and despondent look on Kennedy's now haggard appearing face.

The brunette teen watches the tableau in the middle of the room with a growing sense of dread. She knows, for a solid fact, that she's fallen in love with the quirky redhead now pleading with her former lover. Kennedy was certain that Willow was falling for her as well, though she was by no means sure.

Now, watching, she feels the world she was building crack and start to crumble. She had asked, quietly, about Tara. Dawn had been very helpful, after the younger girl had satisfied herself why Kennedy wanted to know, so the potential was sure she knew what the two witches had meant to one another. Watching, and, more importantly, listening, she realizes she was wrong. She also realizes she's lost her.

Kennedy watches Willow's tearful reunion, as she sees it, for a moment more, then she turns and slips out of the room, never noticing Buffy watching her. She doesn't go far, though. Her time in Sunnydale has taught her that she is a target, unless in a group, so she only goes to the nearest set of chairs and takes a seat, waiting for Buffy and her...

[God,] she thinks. [Were we even together long enough for me to call her my ex?] Unbidden and unfelt, the first tear finally slips free and finds it's path down her cheek. It isn't lonely for long.

Tara just stares at Willow, unsure how to answer the stream of words the redhead had launched at her. On one level, she normally loves to hear Willowbabble and part of her soul feels lighter just hearing it. On a more practical level, nothing of what she said makes sense. She distinctly remembers the night she'd ripped her own heart out and squeezed it dry, the night she'd left Revello drive and returned to her dorm room.

Her eyes drop as she remembers that she hadn't been able to leave her room for days afterwards, she'd missed Willow so badly. Even after she could function again, she'd purposely avoided the redhead as much as she could, simply cause that left the pain only a constant dull ache. The morning she'd seen her come in with Amy had nearly killed her, simply because the her first thought was that since Willow obviously had a new girlfriend only days after she'd left, that Willow had never really loved her.

When Willow had explained who the other girl was she'd been somewhat reassured, but Willow actually looked happy, which had undermined the optimistic thoughts. Then, Amy had bragged about Willow's mystical abilities, about how powerful she was, and she'd known then that Willow hadn't changed, even after she'd torn them apart.

After that, she'd stopped coming to Scooby meetings, avoiding nearly everyone in her desperation to not see Willow, not feel how much the other witch wanted her back. How much she wanted Willow back. Buffy, Goddess bless her, had not let her disappear from their lives. She'd constantly sought her out, keeping her apprised of the gangs comings on, Willow's progress after that awful night when she'd conjured a demon and hurt Dawnie.

Dawn herself could usually be counted on to not let more than two days go between either a phone call, or, more usually, a visit, a request for help with homework or a trip to get mochas. The teen made no secret of how much she wanted Tara back in her life and house, preferably back with Willow. Tara repeatedly told her that it was probably not going to happen, but the teen was undeterred. She viewed Willow and Tara as near parents and, having lost one set, she was determined to not lose another pair.

The blonde's last memories told her that that may have been a little more possible than she'd first thought, but, from what Willow was saying... But that wasn't possible. Was it?

The blonde witch turns her soulful, but exhausted blue eyes back to the woman who was once hers. With a heartfelt sigh, she slowly shakes her head and tells her, "I'm sorry, Willow. I just don't remember any of that. I k-know you w-want me to come b-back, but I just can't." Her eyes drop to gaze at her bed again as she repeats, "I'm sorry."

Willow feels her eyes open to their widest, but doesn't notice her head start to shake in denial. Her hand comes up to cover her mouth in horror. She stares at Tara for another minute, then, with a heartbroken sob, she turns and flees the room.

Buffy watches her go, then turns back to her friend in time to see Tara wiping away her own tears. Unable to think of anything else to do, the Slayer forces a little smile onto her face and softly says, "Hey."

Tara looks up a little startled. She'd barely noticed anyone besides Willow was in the room. "Oh, hey, Buffy." She tries for a smile, but in her weakened state, it's a very wan smile.

Buffy pauses for a second, wracking her brain for something to say, then finally goes with, "You look a lot better than the last time I saw you." She mentally kicks her self, thinking, [That's the best you could come up with?]

The witch looks at the door thoughtfully and absently asks, "I do? When was that?" Her eyes tracks back to the Slayer as she continues. "Because the last time I remember seeing you was the day after your birthday."

Buffy frowns, thinking back over a year to that particular day. They'd Just gotten Halfrek to release the wish Dawn had made and Tara had been one of the last people to leave that night. Buffy can even remember the long smiling look Tara and Willow had traded as the blonde witch had went back to her dorm.

"Okay, that does kinda explain some things," she says, nodding slightly before looking Tara right in the eyes. "That was about four months before you were... shot." She pauses and her face gets a worried look. "They told you about why you're in here, right?"

Tara nods a little, the effort seeming to almost drain her for a few seconds. "Well, they said I was severely injured and that I'd lost a lot of blood. They said I'd been here for nearly a year?"

"Yeah, that's about right. You were... injured, about the middle of last May." Buffy stops, trying to think of some easy way to say what she needs to, but nothing occurs to her. She decides to go for honest. "Tara, you need to know, we... we thought you had been killed. We even held a funeral for you."

Tara gazes at the Slayer in astonishment. "So, that's why Willow was acting the way she was? She thought I was dead?" The petite blonde nods, her eyes sad. Tara closes her own eyes and lays back. Tiredly, she make a request of the friend standing beside her bed. "Buffy, could you tell me what happened, please? I-I'm not sure I w-want to know, but I need to." Her eyes open once more and lock onto the Slayer. "Please?"

"Sure," Buffy tries for a comforting smile. "Do you want to know what happen for the entire four months, or just the end? Cause, no offense, but you look wicked tired. Sure you wanna do all of it now?"

Tara lays her head back on her pillow and thinks for a moment. Buffy has a point about her being tired, she realizes. "How about just the high points, except for the last bit."

"Okay, we can do that," Buffy agrees. She takes a deep breath and begins. "You said the last thing you remember clearly was my birthday party?" The other blonde nods. "Okay, after that..."

Sitting in the waiting area a little ways from Tara's room, Kennedy slumps and tries to think, but one thought just won't go away, the thought that she should just give it up. She could plainly see that Willow still loved the other girl, no matter what had been happening between her and the witch.

The potential drops her head into her hands with a barely stifled groan. Her thoughts begin to race as her mind turns inward and the thought of giving up is suddenly and violently contested. [No! She's mine now! Tara sent her away over a year ago, then died as far as anyone knew. She has no claim on Willow at all!]

Both voices are balanced by third that tells her, [It's Willow's decision, not mine or Tara's. I know I love her and I could plainly see that Tara still does, but neither of us can force her to pick one of us.] The brunette potential starts to massage her temples without realizing it as the three loudest thoughts begin clamoring for her attention once more.

Sensing movement, Kennedy looks up just as Willow bolts from Tara's room. Her first reaction is to follow her and find out what's wrong, but she hesitates for a second, as she wonders if she'll be welcome. Then, she hears a sob and she immediately surges from her chair. "Willow! Wait up!"

Running after the distraught redhead, she finally catches her as she goes out the front door. "Willow, wait!" The teen gently grabs her arm and forces her to stop. Continuing to move, Kennedy walks around until she's facing Willow and feels her heart break once more as she sees the streams of tears on the face of the woman she's in love with. It's all she can do to keep the Slayer in her in check, when all it wants to do is go hurt the person who hurt her girl.

Without thought, Kennedy pulls Willow tightly to her, her arms slipping around the wicca. After a second's pause, Willow collapses into the potential, the sobs she's tried to hold back break loose immediately. Kennedy just holds her, letting one hands rub lightly up and down the redhead's back, while the other strokes her hair.

Whispering little reassurances the whole time, Kennedy looks around a little and spots a park bench nearby. A few minutes later, when she feels Willow's frantic hold lessening a little, she pulls back just enough to enable the two women to walk and steers them to the bench.

Sitting down, the potential tries to look the redhead in the eye, but Willow keeps her head ducked, like she's ashamed or something. Keeping her voice soft and comforting, Kennedy asks, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Utter misery in her tone, Willow replies, "No. Yes." Her head comes up and Kennedy has to look away, the lost expression in the green eyes she's come to love too much for her. "Sh-she doesn't remember." Tears flow freely once more as Willow once more collapses into the younger girl's arms. "She doesn't remember coming back to me!"

Not knowing what else to do, Kennedy just holds and comforts the witch, whispering "It's okay. It'll be okay." softly in her ear, stroking her hair. She tries desperately to damp down the elation that attempts to take over her own emotions. [Just because Tara doesn't remember anything doesn't mean Willow won't choose her, so shut up for now. Besides, am I being happy that the woman I claim to be in love with is miserable?]

That thought sobering and tempering her, Kennedy is suddenly content to sit and wait until Willow feels ready to talk to her. She doesn't know how long they sit wrapped up together, Willow crying, her offering what she can, but after a while, Willow's sobs ease and she draws away from the dark haired girl a little. Kennedy lets her go.

Willow wipes at her tear stained face, trying to dry her cheeks, though it appears to be losing battle. "I'm so sorry for all this. I-I didn't mean to break down an-and I got you all wet and I probably have make-up running everywhere and..."

Kennedy resists her first impulse, to stop the babble with a kiss. Instead, she puts 2 fingers on Willow's lips and says, "Shhh! It's okay. I understand and I don't care about the wet." She smiles at the redhead and lightly brushes the back of her hand across a snowy cheek. "And you're always beautiful, so that's not a worry either."

The wicca blushes and looks down again at the compliment. Suddenly her eyes fly open and she pulls back, her head coming up to stare at the potential, her hand covering her mouth. "Oh my Goddess! Kennedy!" Fresh tears appear as she looks at the teenager. "I did it again. Oh, you must hate me!"

Half blinded by tears, Willow stands and tries to run away. Like a shot, Kennedy is off the bench and in front of the distraught woman, holding her, not letting her twist away. "Willow!" When she won't stop and look at her, Kennedy gives her a little shake. "Willow!!"

Finally, the redhead stops trying to run away, but still refuses to look up at the brunette. Kennedy sighs, then gently tilts Willow's face up until she can see it. "Willow, believe it or not, I kinda understand. I won't lie to you and say it doesn't hurt or that I'm not jealous as hell, but I do kinda get it."

"How can you?" the redhead asks, fresh tears following now well established paths. "I don't understand any of it! I mean today, I was so happy, and you were planning a picnic for us and that's all I wanted, to spend time with you." She stops as a sob hitches her voice. "Life was just starting to be good again after so long and you're the reason for that. You showed me how to live again, made me want to live again. A-and now, I get the one thing I've wanted most of all for almost a year back and I don't know what to do!"

She collapses forward once more, and again, Kennedy catches her, pulls her close for a moment before guiding her back to the bench. Once there, she sits, Willow on her lap, just holding her, letting her cry. A part of her mind screams at her for contributing to the redhead's pain while another part argues it's not her fault, it's all Tara's for confusing her Willow so badly.

[It's not Tara's fault she's alive!] the potential snarls at herself. [She didn't ask to be in a fucking coma for a year and she sure didn't ask for that asshole to shoot her. And she's not 'confusing' Willow! Will knew and loved her a hell of a lot longer than she's known you existed, so just get over yourself!] The young brunette's thoughts continue this self castigation for several minutes, all the while, she keeps trying to offer Willow comfort.

The redhead herself just buries herself deeper into the potential's chest, her sobs quieter, as her tears ease. Her thoughts center around all the memories she has of Tara and their time together, especially what the blonde witch herself can't remember. She also wonders what she's going to do now, not only with her Always alive and all that means, but with her feelings for Kennedy.

She thinks back to just a few shorts hours ago, Kennedy was planning a picnic and she was realizing and admitting to herself that she was falling in love with the dark eyed beauty she's clinging to. That feeling hasn't changed she knows, even with the missing part of her soul alive and returned to her.

Willow remembers, several years ago when her feelings for Tara were as new as her current feelings for Kennedy, when Oz came back into her life. The chaos that he'd accidentally unleashed and the soul searching he'd made her undergo. "Follow your heart," Buffy had told her and she had, right to Tara's arms.

Now, even though the same advise seemed to be what she needed, she knew it was more complicated this time. When it was choose Oz or choose Tara, it was easy, simply because she was in love with Tara, but not Oz. She'd known where she belonged.

This time, while the majority of her heart wanted nothing more that to be back in that hospital room, begging forgiveness and for Tara to please come back to her, there was still this small part that wanted to stay where she was. To feel safe within the circle of the strong arms that held her.

Kennedy felt Willow take a deep breath and, without thought, presses a kiss to her temple, letting her lips linger for a moment. "Feel a little better, now?"

Willow sighed, her eyes closing as she feels the lips against her skin. She pulled away from Kennedy's embrace, just enough to see the SiT's eyes. "Kinda yes, mostly no, you know?" She tried a little smile and mostly made it.

The potential chuckled involuntarily. "Yeah, that kinda makes sense." She pauses for a few seconds, then reluctantly asks, "Do you want to go back in now?"

Willow considers her answer for a moment, then responds with, "Desperately, but not gonna." She sees Kennedy confusion and adds, "She doesn't remember us getting back together and I don't want to push. Plus, I kinda like where I am." She surprises Kennedy by kissing her lightly, but quickly.

"Willow?" Kennedy says, a multitude of questions in that one word.

The witch blushes at her action and lays her head back on Kennedy's shoulder to hide it. "Can we wait until we get home to talk more about this? Please? Can you just hold me right now?"

Still confused by what the kiss means, or might mean, Kennedy just nods, then replies, "Uh, yeah. We can wait, if that's what you want." She smiles a little as her arms tighten slightly in answer to the redhead's request and Willow settles against her with a deep sigh.

Chapter 4

She straightened and took a step back, watching her friend as she slept, thinking back over the last half hour. She'd summarized the events of the previous year, stressing the parts that Tara had been involved in or where Willow had continued to improve in her control of her magic addiction. She'd just gotten to the part of Tara's return to the house and Willow she knew about when the witch had stopped her, saying she was tired. Tara had fallen asleep almost immediately, leaving Buffy to watch over her and think.

The largest portion of those thoughts were on the conversation she and Giles were gonna have when she saw him again, mostly about secrets in this bunch being a bad thing. She'd gotten passed her initial anger that he didn't tell them about Tara not being dead. Buffy thought she could understand why he didn't tell them, especially Willow, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Buffy looked up as the door to the room opened and a nurse came in. "I'm sorry miss, but this ward has limited visiting hours," she said, apologetically.

The Slayer simply nodded and turned back to Tara for a moment. She brushed some hair off the witch's face, then turned back to the nurse. "I understand," she replied softly. "Since she's awake now, will you move her to a regular room soon?"

The nurse waited until Buffy had preceded her from the room, then answered, "Yes, she'll be moved in the morning. Just check the information desk as you come in and they'll be able to tell you what room."

Buffy noticed the satisfied, almost happy tone to the woman's voice. "You're happy she's leaving, aren't you?"

She smiled at the petite blonde. "Very much. It's not often someone gets to leave from this ward, unless it's to go to the morgue. We're always happy to lose one 'upstairs', rather than down ."

The younger woman made a sympathetic face. "I take it most people here don't wake up?"

"Most people in here are really dead, their bodies just haven't figured that out yet," she explains, not pulling any punches. "Up until last night, we were pretty sure your cousin was in the same state." She looks back at Tara's room and smiles. "Happily, she proved us wrong."

Buffy returned the woman's smile. "Maybe the others here will too."

"We pray for that pretty constantly," the nurse assures her.

The Slayer's smile gets a little warmer and she extends her hand. "Thank you for taking such good care of Tara. I can't tell you how good it feels to have her back."

The nurse smiles again and takes her hand covering the back with her other one. "It was our pleasure, Miss. I hope she gets to go home soon."

Buffy smiled her happy smile. "Thank you. I do too." She looked around the lobby and the small waiting area. You didn't happen to see where my friends went, did you? A redhead and young brunette?"

The nurse gives her a regretful look. "Only that they left the ward. I'm sorry. I have no idea where they might be." She pauses, then asks, "Would you like me to call the front and see if they're there?"

The Slayer shakes her head, a small smile on her lips. "No thank you. I'll see if I can find them as I go." She touches the nurses arm and her smile becomes bigger and warmer. "Thank you again for taking care of Tara for us."

"You're quite welcome, dear. We're just all so happy you have her back!" The older woman pats Buffy's hand in a motherly fashion. "Take care of her now, okay?"

"We will, don't worry!" the blonde assures her fervently. "I hope you have another good night." Buffy smiles at the woman. She smiles in return and thanks the Slayer before turning and resuming her duties.

Buffy walks to the elevators and waits patiently, then rides to the lobby and heads for the front entrance, all the while absently looking for Willow or Kennedy. Most of her mind, though, is still on her upcoming conversation with Giles and how to break this wonderful news to the rest of the Scoobs.

Dawn, she knows, will have to be physically restrained from rushing down immediately, but she can do that easily until the explanations sink into the teen's head. Xander will help her with keeping Dawn at home, but he'll be just as happy and impatient to see their blonde witch friend.

Anya, now she was a bit of a mystery. While Buffy had no doubt the former demon would be happy to see her friend was not dead, Anya was never easy to predict. She was also unsure how Spike would react, but, again, at least it should be a happy reaction. The blonde shook her head and turned her attention to her surroundings, carefully looking for her wayward friends, but coming up empty in the lobby. After a moment, she shrugged. It was still daylight, so it was much more safe to walk home now. As upset as Willow was, she thought maybe that was what had happened.

That theory was shot as she walked out the sliding doors and noticed both girls on a nearby bench. She feels her eyes opening a little wider is mild shock at seeing Willow on Kennedy's lap, although, twelve hours ago, she would've rolled her eyes at this sight and went back to what she was doing. Now, after witnessing the scene in Tara's room, she was confused by the sight of Willow curled into the younger girl, Kennedy holding her close, like nothing had happened.

[Sooner I go over, the sooner I understand what's going on], Buffy thinks as she walks toward her friends.

Kennedy looks up at the sense of movement and sees Buffy coming toward them. She looks down at Willow and nuzzles her hair. "Buffy's here, Will," she whispers near her ear.

Willow lifts her head from Kennedy's chest and looks at her best friend. She makes no attempt to move away from Kennedy, but asks, "How is she? Did she remember anything else? Does she want to see me?"

The Slayer watches the confused, hurt look flicker across the potential Slayer's face and suppresses another urge to fuss at her friend. Looking at Willow, she replies, "She's asleep, no, but I started telling her what she missed and she didn't say anything about that. The nurse I talked to said they'll have her in another room by tomorrow morning, so no more dungeon crawls." Buffy thinks for a moment. "Other than that, you know what I know."

Willow squeezes Kennedy's hand, trying to show that this time, she's aware of her surroundings as she quietly asks, "Did - did she say what she can remember?"

Buffy just stares at her best friend, trying to gauge what's going on in the redhead's mind. Finally, deciding they're going to have another little talk when they get home, she sighs and answers. "She said the last thing she remembers clearly is the morning after my birthday party. After Halfrek lifted the curse and we could all leave the house. Anything after that is either a blur or a blank she said, though she did seem to recognize a few things when I told her about them. Well, maybe," she says, considering.

Buffy chuckles and smiles wanly. "She wants to fuss at Xander for leaving Anya at the alter. She said she couldn't believe he did that!"

Willow smiles and giggles a little. "Buff, it's been a little over a year and I have trouble with that sometimes!" Her grin turns reflective. "On the other hand, I think they're patching things up, now. Maybe they'll get back together."

"Yeah, maybe," Buffy softly agreed. "Hey, you guys ready to head home?"

Willow nods, a little reluctantly it seems to Buffy. "Yeah, I guess I am." She turns her head to look at Kennedy and asks, "Are you ready, sweetie?"

The potential nods absently, still a little lost by Willow's confusing actions and words.

The redhead smiles at her, then lightly kisses her cheek. "I think you promised me a picnic." she chirps, a teasing smile playing about her lips. Leaning in, Willow hugs the younger girl, whispering in her ear, "I'm really sorry if I seem to be ignoring you again. I hate that I did that earlier and I'm so sorry that I did. I'm not doing it now, cause I know you're here and you'll never know how much that means to me. Thank you, baby. I promise, we'll talk over everything when we get home, but not here and not with Buffy there." She pulls back enough to see dark eyes regarding her steadily. "Okay?"

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Kennedy nods and tries to smile. "Okay," she whispers, then repeats it with more volume and conviction. The dark haired SiT forces a smile to her face, even though inside, she's dying because she just knows she's lost the redhead now. Lost her to the blonde witch everyone told her, repeatedly, was her soulmate. "Okay, but I'd like to stop by the store for a minute, if that's okay. We didn't have any kind of dessert at home and I know big your sweet tooth is, Will."

Willow smiles happily and kisses Kennedy's lips quickly, but chastely. "You spoil me so much!" she declares, her smile genuine and caring. Crimson locks flying as she quickly turns her head, the witch looks at Buffy. "We can stop, right? Please?"

Buffy looks into shining green eyes, then into troubled dark brown and just nods. Her Slayer hearing easily picked up everything Willow whispered and she wants to tell Kennedy that the younger woman isn't the only one who's confused right now. Willow's earlier reactions and her questions a few minutes ago just don't seem to go with the terms of endearment she seems to be applying to potential Slayer.

The blonde mentally shrugs her shoulders and steps back, giving Willow and Kennedy room to stand. Once they're on their feet, she turns slightly and leads the way away from the hospital, wanting to be away from the place badly. She's been here far too often recently.

After a quick stop, the trio gets back to Revello Drive without incident, though somewhat laden down with groceries. Once at the supermarket, Buffy decides that, since they're there, they might as well stock up now instead of waiting a few days.

Buffy's scowl started as she watched Willow with Kennedy at the store, has deepened immensely by the time they arrive at the Summer's home. Willow's seeming to forget all the problems the passed few hours had brought, her flirting with the potential over desserts and just in general, seem to Buffy like her friend was just stringing the girl along before dropping her for Tara. She knew Willow wasn't like that, but just couldn't shake the thought.

As they walk into the house, the witch turns to her girlfriend and smiles. "Sweetie, why don't you get our picnic started and I'll be there in a few minutes to help, okay?" She kisses the brunette's cheek. "I need to talk to Buffy for a minute, then I'll join you, okay?" With a significant look at the Slayer, Willow let her know she had noticed the looks and faces the blonde had been giving her since they left the hospital.

The potential Slayer looks from the witch to the Slayer, then back again before nodding. She forces a smile for Willow and heads off for the kitchen.

Buffy waits until the teenager is out of earshot, motioning for Willow to follow her into the living room. Once there, she turns to her best friend and quietly hisses. "Will, what the hell are you doing? We both know just how much you've loved Tara since the day you met her. If she forgives you again, or remembers and wants you back with her, you'll go so fast, teleporting would be slower!" Buffy closes her eyes and sighs, trying to calm herself again. "Since we both know that's true, why are you stringing Kennedy along? I need everybody I've got for this fight and if you'll just break her heart and get it over with, maybe she'll be useful again by the time the fight happens!"

Willow stares at her friend, her expression going from polite curiosity to disbelief, to the beginnings of anger. "Actually, Buffy, I don't know that that's true. I mean, I've changed so much since the last time I saw Tara. I thought she died in my arms. I became everything we fight against. I've killed people, I almost killed you, nearly destroyed the world. How will she be able to forgive me for that? How can she even look at me?" Fat tears begin to form at the corners of Willow's eyes.

"Oh! And then there's just this tiniest little detail of I've pretty much fallen in love with Kennedy! How does that fit into your whole 'Dump her and run back to Tara' scenario?" The redhead wipes impatiently at the water leaking down her cheeks as she turns a little away from Buffy and stares out the window.

Not seeing the shocked expression Buffy has from her admission, Willow takes a deep breath and continues, "And before you ask, Buffy, yes, I still love Tara. I don't know how to not love her. An-and if it wasn't for Kennedy, even Slayer strength wouldn't have gotten me out of that hospital. But, Kennedy is a part of this and she and I haven't even talked about it yet. Not really. We're going to this evening."

Buffy manages to find her voice after a minute. "Did..." The blonde clears her throat. "Did you just say you're in love with Kennedy? But - you still love Tara?" Buffy's voice rises in confusion.

Willow smiles a little as she thinks of the younger girl at the other end of the house. "Yeah, I did. I kinda... worked it out earlier today. Just before the call, actually. And yeah, of course I still love Tara." Willow pauses, memories of her time with the blonde witch rushing through her mind. "You never forget the first person you fall totally in love with, do you? I mean, you still love Angel, right?"

"Well, yeah. I always will," Buffy responds automatically, then what Willow said registers. "Wait. First person? What about Oz? I know you loved him. I was there for the meltdown when he left."

The redhead smiles softly, indulging the Slayer in the digression from their talk. "'Course I loved Oz, but with him, it was kinda like sliding into love. We were together a lot and he was nice and he liked me cause I was me and one day I just realized I loved him. I mean, it happened pretty quick, but not like with Tara. With her, I saw her at that first wicca group meeting and I got so confused. All I could do was stare at her. I got so mad at the other girls when they were mean to her and I didn't know why."

"Do you remember the Gentlemen?" The witch asks.

Buffy nods, although she's not sure what that has to do with anything. "Oh, yeah. I remember that's when I found out I really liked Riley and that he worked for the Initiative. We kinda teamed up for the first time there at the end of all that."

Willow smiles and nods. "Yeah, I remember you telling me. What I didn't tell you was, that was the first night Tara and I got together. She was coming to our dorm room looking for me, hoping we could maybe do a spell to get everybody's voices back. She was being chased by the Gentlemen and then I came out to see who was pounding on doors and found her and then we both were being chased and we ended up in the laundry room." Willow's eyes are hooded and she smiles faintly as she remembers that first real meeting. even through the danger, it had felt right.

"I tried to move the Coke machine in front of the door, but I didn't have enough power. I was going through all the spells I knew, trying to think of one I could use, when she took my hand in hers and I felt her offering me her power to go with mine. We both looked at that Coke machine and it almost danced across the floor and in front of the door." She pauses, remembering the exhilaration of that first time they had cast together. "We met up the next day to talk and stuff, then we had lunch the day after that and I went to her dorm room to do a spell with her and pretty soon, anytime I wasn't with you or Giles or in class, I was with her.

"Then Oz came back, " she says softly, her smile dimming just a little. "When that happened, I had to get my head to admit what my heart knew from the second I saw Tara. That I was crazy in love with her and had been since the first day I saw her." Willow looks at her best friend and her smile brightens again. "You remember all that, though, cause you're the one who told me to follow my heart. I did, straight to her."

Buffy smiles a little at Willow's reminiscing, but still looks a little confused. "Okay, I get what you're saying about Tara, but what does that have to do with Kennedy? As near as I can see, she chased you until you let her catch you. I mean, I can accept you saying you're in love with her, but I don't see how it won't come down to her broken and useless to me when you choose Tara."

Willow's happy expression from thinking about her and Tara's first months together sours a bit at Buffy's words and she frowns slightly at her old friend. "Because the same thing kinda happened with Kennedy. The only real difference was, I recognized what was happening and I didn't wanna let it, cause Tara was my girlfriend and I couldn't cheat on her." Willow grins. " I noticed Kennedy as soon as she walked in the door and snapped off at you. I almost laughed when she just wasn't impressed by a girl smaller than her!"

Buffy lets a sour little half smile slip across her face for a second. She remembers that first meeting as well, and she remembers being furious that she was so casually dismissed by the younger girl. A girl who was only a potential Slayer, someone who couldn't even conceive of what she'd been through to save this sorry world. Although, the blonde had to admit, after the showdown with the Turak-han, Kennedy had started to show her a little more respect.

"I remember that first day she was here," Willow continues. "All I wanted to do was stare at her and I felt so guilty because of it!" She smiles as the memory of Kennedy's first flirting runs through her mind. 'You, uh... better not hog the covers!' Willow smiles at her best friend as her eyes refocus on now. "You weren't here when the flirting really started. I was trying to get her and the other girls a place to sleep and she just kept objecting to what I said until I asked if she wanted to do it and she just smirked and told me I better not hog the covers, then ran upstairs and I was so confused and attracted to her and I didn't want to be, but I was and then Dawnie distracted me and that was good."

She pauses, then blushes a little. "Sorry. Didn't mean for this to turn into a babblefest."

Buffy tries to resist, but can't stop the smile that sneak across her lips. "Will, it's you. Babble is a given!" Willow rolls her eyes and smiles a little, lightly hitting Buffy's arm. The blonde smiles again, then sobers a bit. "Okay, Will, I think I get it. You love them both, right?"

The redhead nods, a little reluctantly it seems to the Slayer. No, not reluctant, she decides. Acceptance.

Buffy sighs, wondering how to fit this latest complication into her war plans. After a moment's consideration, she realizes she can't, she's just gonna have let it happen the way it was going to, plan around it and adapt. Sighing again, she returns her attention to her friend. "Well, assuming Tara gets her memory back or decides she wants to give you guys another chance, you know you're going to have to choose between them, don't you? I mean, you can't have them both, now can you?"

Willow looked up at Buffy defiantly. "Why can't I? Is there a law?" She held Buffy's disbelieving gaze for a moment before she dropped her eyes and admitted, "Okay, I guess I can't." She takes a deep breath, then continues. "I love Tara. I always will, but now I love Kennedy too." She looks at the blonde. "How can I just choose which one I want to be with? How could I just choose one and leave the other one be all broken hearted?" She asks, miserably.

She looks away and down, her eyes filling. A solitary tear slides down her face. "I remember how it felt the day Oz left, the night Tara left me. I wanted to die, Buffy." She looks back at the Slayer and Buffy feels her own tears threaten. "I love them both, so much, how can you sit there and tell me I have to hurt one of them?"

Buffy reaches out and wipes the tears from Willow's cheeks. "Like I told you that morning when it was Oz and Tara, no matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. I'm not trying to be mean here, Will, but that's just the way it is and the longer you put it off, the more it'll hurt everybody, not just one person." She takes a deep breath and locks eyes with the distraught witch. "Will, you know I love you. You're the best friend I've ever had, would ever want, but this is something you can't really put off too long. Not for me or the fight with the First, but because of you, Kennedy and Tara and how much this is gonna mess with all of your lives."

Suddenly, she smiles and takes Willow's shoulders into her hands, giving her friend a little shake. "Now, no matter what I just said, I think it can all wait until tomorrow at least, so you should enjoy your picnic tonight, okay? I mean, how many chances are you gonna get for one until after we kick the First's ass, right?"

Willow just stares at Buffy like she's lost her mind, but, quickly, the blonde's words get through to her and she finds herself smiling. She giggles a little, despite her remaining tears. "Yeah, that's true, so you're just gonna have to kill it quick, so we can get back to more important things!"

Buffy laughs and hugs Willow tightly. "You got it, Will. I'll get right on it!" She declares, before pulling back. As she does, she wipes more tears that have appeared on the witch's face. "Tell you what. You go wash your face and get cleaned up and I'll tell Kennedy you'll join her in a few minutes, okay?" She waves Willow's protests aside. "Won't she worry if you go in there now, looking like you've been crying and all upset? You don't want that."

Willow sighs and sits back. "Yeah, okay, you're right, I guess." She smiles at the Slayer. "Thanks Buffy, for everything. Even the stuff I didn't want to hear." She takes a deep breath and slowly releases it before continuing. "I know I have to talk to both of them, especially Kennedy. Now, I have a better idea of what I want to tell her later." She stands and smiles back down at the blonde. "Could you tell her I'll be there in about ten minutes, please?"

Buffy takes one of her hands in her own and gives it a little squeeze. "I can do that." She returns Willow's smile and watches as she turns and heads upstairs. The blonde sighs heavily and let's the smile slip from her face as she tries to think of what she can do to fix this, or, at least, mitigate the damage. Nothing readily occurs to her, except a burning need to talk to her Watcher. All this could have been avoided, she is certain, if he'd just told them that Tara hadn't died.

Sighing once more, she stands and starts to slowly walk toward the kitchen. As she'd told Willow, she knew at least one person was going to get hurt when this was all over. She just hoped she could keep them alive when it happened.

With a little head shake, she shoves it all to the back of her mind to deal with later, forces a smile onto her face and goes to find Kennedy.

Chapter 5

"Sorry, Willow." Dawn says, grimacing at having scared her friend/sister. "Didn't mean to almost run over you there."

Willow takes a couple deep breaths, getting her racing heart back under control. "It's-it's okay, Dawnie. Just wasn't expecting you to be there and it's been kind of a weird day, you know?"

The teen nods and smiles a little. "Yeah, I know. I've been looking for Buffy for hours, but she seems to have disappeared. You haven't seen her, have you?"

"Oh, uh," Willow tries to think fast, tries to figure out how to tell Dawn that Tara's not dead and that she, Buffy and Kennedy were at the hospital for the last couple hours. The redhead still vividly remembers that first morning after Tara came back to her, how excited Dawn was that her family was whole again. She also remembers how devastated the teen was when she found the blonde witch in a pool of her own blood the next day. Xander had told her, not that long ago, that Dawn had confessed to him that losing Tara was like losing her mother and Buffy all over again.

The witch looks over at her bedroom door and gently takes Dawn by the arm. "Come on, Dawnie. I need to talk to you for a minute." She starts to lead the teen across the hall.

Dawn immediately adds up Willow wanting to talk to her in private with Buffy missing and comes with, "NO!!" Her eyes are instantly full of tears as she stops moving and starts to shake her head. "Please, no! Please, Willow, not again!"

The redhead looks back at the teen, confused for a second, then realizes what Dawn must be thinking. She quickly takes the teen in her arms, hugging her tightly. "No, Dawnie, no! Buffy's fine, I promise! She was with me and Kennedy and we were out, that's why you couldn't find her." She tucks a handful of the teen's hair back over her shoulder. "I just left Buffy downstairs and she was perfectly healthy." She smiles reassuringly.

Dawn stares at her for a moment, her mind desperately trying to make sense of the redhead's words. "You promise?" She finally asks in a tiny voice. At Willow's nod and little smile, she sags into the witch's arms in relief, beginning to breathe easier. She feels Willow's arms slide around her for a gentle hug, but pulls away, an angry look on her face. "Don't ever scare me like that again!"

Willow forces a reassuring smile on her face. "I'll try to remember that." She pauses a second, then gets serious again. "I still need to talk to you, Dawnie." She looks around for a second, then takes the teen by the elbow, steering her toward the room she shares with Kennedy.

Dawn allows herself to be escorted into the room. "If Buffy's okay, what's up?"

Willow remains silent until they're in the room, then steers the younger girl to the bed and indicates she should sit down. When she does so, the redhead takes a deep breath. "Dawnie, the reason you couldn't find Buffy is that she was at the hospital with me and Kennedy. We..."

"But you said she wasn't hurt!" Dawn interrupts. Then her eyes get a little bigger. "Oh God! Was it Kennedy? Did she get hurt? Was it Bringers?"

"Dawn!" Willow nears yells. "I'm trying to tell you what happened, so stop with the questions, okay?" She smiles a little to take the sting from her words. Taking a deep breath, the witch starts again. "I... We got a call earlier from the hospital asking for Giles, but, since he wasn't here, the three of us went down there."

Willow pauses, trying to order her thoughts and locking an iron control over her emotions. She knows Dawn is going to have a meltdown and it won't do either of them any good if she does too. "Dawnie, the reason they called was to tell that something we've all believed for nearly a year was wrong." She takes both of Dawn's hands in her own and locks eyes with the girl. "They called because Tara never died. She was in a coma and she woke up last night."

Dawn stares at her for a second, then she laughs, but it soon gives way to tears. The teen looks at the floor. "Who are you?" She whispers, her tone haunted. "You can't be Willow, cause she wouldn't be that mean to me, unless..." she trails off, then looks up suddenly and into the redhead's eyes. A look of confusion crosses her face when she sees sad green where she expected flat black.

"It's really me, Dawnie and I'm telling you the truth. Tara's alive. I've seen her, touched her, talked to her." [Been rejected by her. Again,] she thinks sadly. "Buffy talked to her the longest. I kinda ran out when she said she couldn't remember us getting back together."

Dawn lifts sad, hopeful eyes to meet the redhead's. "She really is alive?" At Willow's nod, she closes her eyes and her tears increase as she remembers that awful afternoon she sat and stared at what she thought was Tara's dead body, not comprehending what was happening. "How?"

"We're not sure," the redhead says honestly, caressing the teen's cheek. "The doctor we talked to today said that the person in the morgue..." Willow stops speaking for a moment. Even the knowledge that Tara is alive doesn't stop the shudder that passes through her at the thought of the blonde witch having a reason to be in such a place. "She said the person there found a very weak pulse and immediately sent her up to the ER and surgery. They saved her life, but she's been in a coma since that night. Well, until last night, anyway. She woke up, more or less okay, just with some memories missing."

"What memories?" Dawn asks, suddenly fearful the blonde witch won't remember her. Her secret fear since finding out her true origins has been for everyone she loves to forget who she is. The brunette teen knows she won't be able to stands it to get Tara back, only to have the woman she regards as a sort of surrogate mother not know her.

Willow looks sad for a split second, then schools her expression again. "She remembers everything up to the morning after Buffy's twenty first birthday, but nothing after that. At least, that's what Buffy said she said," she explains.

Dawn looks troubled and sad for her friend. "She doesn't remember you guys getting back together?" Willow shakes her head sadly and Dawn makes a sympathetic noise and face. Thinking she needs to distract her friend/sister, Dawn asks, "How did the hospital know to call here? I mean, if we all thought... Anyway, how did they get this number?"

Willow thinks hard, trying to remember that first conversation with the hospital, but it seems so long ago.. "Oh, when the hospital called, they asked for Giles. They said they were supposed to call him when she woke up."

"Giles?" The teen whispers. Her incredulous expression is swiftly replaced with indignation and anger. "Giles knew she wasn't dead and let us think she was? Let us grieve and bury her and watched you be so lost without her and never told us? I thought he loved us!"

Willow quickly gathers the distraught teenager into her arms and Dawn curls into her embrace. "Oh, sweetie! I'm sure he had his reasons, we just don't know them yet!" She strokes the girl's long hair soothingly, doing her best to hide her own anxiety about the Watcher's concealment of the truth. "Buffy says he'll be home soon. We can find out what really happened then, right?"

"I guess."

Willow smiles a little at the tiny voice. [Dawn tries so hard now to be a grown up. It's nice to see there's still a little girl in there,] the redhead thinks. She pulls back and looks at the teen, forcing a bright smile onto her face. "Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we head downstairs and you can talk to Buffy, see what Tara said to her, cause I was a little upset and distracted when she told me." Her stomach grumbles a little, though she honestly can't tell if it's from hunger or stress. "Besides, I have a gorgeous potential Slayer waiting to take me on a picnic and I'm running a little late," the wicca says lightly, trying to play it off as kind of a joke, hoping Dawn will take the hint.

Her hopes are short lived. "Oh God! Kennedy! Willow, what are you going to do about Kennedy?!"

Willow sighs, though she tries to maintain her smile. "Well, right now, I'm gonna go find her and go on our picnic, then go to the Bronze, if we can talk Buffy into it. Why? Did you wanna go dancing with us?"

She shakes her head. "No, I mean, what are you going to do about you and Kennedy being a couple since Tara's okay?" She smiles hopefully. "You and Tara are gonna get back together, right? We'll all help her remember so you can." Her expression changes a little, becoming somewhat sympathetic. "I mean, I know you like Kennedy, I do too, but... It's Tara."

Willow gives Dawn an understanding look. She does understand why the girl is thinking like she is. The three of them had gotten so close, with Dawn regarding the two wiccas as surrogate parents, the summer Buffy was dead. "Sweetie, I know you love Tara as much as I do, but it's not a sure thing that she'll remember or forgive me again. I hope she does, forgive me, that is, but us together again depends on a lot." She takes a deep breath and sighs. "Not the least of which is now, I'm in love with Kennedy too, not just Tara, so friends may be the best Tara and I can do."

Dawn stands speechless for several seconds, her mouth moving, trying to form words at this revelation. Finally, she says, her voice starting as a whisper before gaining strength and volume, "You... love... You can't love Kennedy! You love Tara! You always have!" Tears begin to fall from the teen's eyes. "I don't want her to leave again. She'll leave if you don't take her back. Please don't make her go away again!"

Willow enfolds the distraught teenager in a tight hug. "Oh, Dawnie! I don't want her to leave, either, but it's not about what you or I want, but what Tara wants. Whether or not she can accept the changes that have happened to me, to all of us." She pulls back a little, so she can see Dawn's eyes. "And it's not my choice, Tara and I getting together again, not entirely. It's Tara's and mine and Kennedy's." She presses two fingers to the brunette's lips to stop her protests. "Yes, Kennedy does have a say because I love her. You understand, right?"

"No, I don't understand!" Dawn vehemently pulls away from the redhead. "I remember the morning after Tara finally came home. You guys were so happy! I was too! You guys were back together, Buffy was finally herself again after everything that had happened. We just had to get rid of Warren and the others, fix what had happened with Xander and get Giles to come home and I'd have my family back!"

Her tears start to flow faster as she speaks and Willow moves toward her, only to stop as Dawn throws up a hand and a warning look to stop the witch's progress. She gives the redhead a hateful look. "Now you're telling me I have another chance to have my family, all of my family together again, but it might not happen because of some jumped up Slayer wannabe?!"

"That's enough, Dawn," Buffy's stern voice comes from the doorway. Looking toward Willow, the blonde Slayer can see how upset her sister has made the witch and she gets angry. Controlling her temper, though, she quietly says, "Will, Kennedy's waiting for you out back. You don't want your dinner to get cold, right?"

The redhead sniffs deeply and wipes her eyes as she stands. "No. No, I don't." She smiles gratefully at Buffy, having no idea how heartbreakingly sad the smile is. "Thanks, Buffy." She immediately leaves without a backward glance at Dawn.

Dawn stands as well and starts to leave, only to have Buffy hold up a hand. "Not so fast. We need to have a little chat," the Slayer tells her sister as she closes the door, her expression stern and not a little angry.

* * *

Willow exits the bathroom again, having tried to erase the evidence of her tears after her 'discussion' with Dawn. She knows that it'll upset Kennedy if the younger woman sees that she's been crying again and she wants to avoid a confrontation between the two teens. Kennedy is always so protective of her, but she doesn't want her girlfriend to be angry at Dawn.

Taking a deep breath, she squares her shoulders and heads for the stairs. The redhead makes her way through the house's first floor, nodding absently at the assembled potentials relaxing between Buffy's training session. Continuing through the house, she steps onto the back porch and stops, both to allow her eyes to adjust to the evening sunlight hitting her face and to spot her potential.

"Will?"

Looking toward the sound, the wicca spots her girl sitting behind and to one side of the tree in the back corner. "There you are." She smiles as she starts moving again. "Sorry I took so long. I ran into Dawnie and told her about... Well, about what's happened," she explained, her expression turning a little sad.

Concern laces the younger girl's tone. "Are you okay?" Kennedy's voice takes on a more ominous note. "Did she say something?"

Willow considers lying for a split second to keep Kennedy from getting angry, but decides against it. "Yeah, she did, but it's okay. She was just upset and besides, Buffy was talking to her when I left."

Kennedy grunts a little, a frown on her face. "Hope she's reaming her a new..." She looks up as Willow clears her throat, then grimaces and ducks her head as she realizes what she said. "Sorry, Will. You know how I get when someone hurts you."

The redhead kneels on the edge of the blanket, then leans forward a little so she can easily touch the moping potential in front of her. Tilting Kennedy's head up so that she can see her eyes, Willow smiles and places a chaste kiss on the younger woman's lips. "Yes, I do know and I don't mind. It's been a long time since someone besides Buffy cared enough to be all protective of me and it feels nice, to be honest."

"Of course I care about you!" Kennedy protests, her voice firm, her eyes flashing. "I lo-" She stops speaking suddenly, her cheeks turning a flaming red as she once more can't meet the redhead's eyes. "I - I mean... I just can't stand to see anyone hurt you," she says quietly, her blush still as strong as it was.

Willow carefully hides the smile that threatens to blossom on her face at what Kennedy had nearly admitted. Leaning forward again, she places another, quick kiss on the potential's lips. "I... care about you too," she replies with a shy smile.

Kennedy looks up and into Willow's eyes for a moment and is nearly staggered by the emotions she sees shining from them. Her answering smile is equal parts relief, wonder and a desperate need to believe .

Willow strokes a tanned cheek, staring at this young woman she's come to love in the passed few weeks. She ignores Buffy's voice in the back of her mind telling her she'll have to choose eventually between Kennedy and Tara. She'll worry about that later. Tonight is about reassuring Kennedy that she's not going to be tossed aside. Giving her head a little shake and smiling a little brighter, Willow looks down at the food the SiT has prepared for them. "Everything looks good, sweetie. I know I promised we'd talk, but why don't we eat first? I'm pretty hungry and I know it's been hours since you had anything, so you must be starved!"

Kennedy did sort of a little double take. She'd expected that they'd have that talk Willow had promised, but the redhead seemed to be almost oblivious, certainly not noticing her nervousness. To be honest, the beautiful brunette wasn't really all that hungry. Ever since learning that Willow's ex(was she?)-girlfriend was still alive, she'd been bracing herself for Willow to tell her that it had been fun, but she was going back to her real girlfriend now. And to be equally honest, since that's what was going to happen, she wanted the redhead to get on with it. Then, she could smile and say she understood, then walk away and find some where to collapse and cry.

Steeling herself, the potential Slayer just shakes her head. "Um, actually, Red, I'd prefer it if we just got this over with. Besides, I'm not really all that hungry right now."

Willow looks up at the defeated, yet wary tone, scrutinizing Kennedy's face and body language. After a moment, she groans softly to herself as she realizes she's unintentionally hurt her girl once more, even after she'd vowed to herself that she wouldn't do that. [No,] she thought bitterly. [All pain from here will be intentional and planned.]

Casting her eyes down, Willow returns the sandwich she'd picked up to her plate. Sighing, she looks up and tries to catch Kennedy's eye, but the younger woman steadfastly avoids her gaze. Sighing again, the redhead quietly says, "Sweetie, I'm sorry if I seemed to be leaving you hanging. I didn't mean to, but I seem to be doing a lot of bad things to you today when I don't mean to." She quickly reaches across the blanket and places two fingers on the brunette's lips. "No, it's not alright and I promised myself I wouldn't do it again, but I did and I'm so sorry. I want desperately to promise that I won't do it again, but something tells me I won't be able to keep that promise either, so I'll just promise to try."

Kennedy gently grabs the hand away from her face. "Will, it is okay. LIke I said earlier today, it hurts and I don't especially like it, but I totally understand. I can't imagine what today has put you through, but I'm more than willing to be patient. Whatever you need, however long, I'll wait."

Willow smiles endearingly at her girl, pulling her hand toward her and kissing her palm. "Thank you, baby, but there are still things we need to talk about, though." She pauses, then asks, "If I ask you a question, will you be completely honest with me when you answer?"

Kennedy frowns slightly. "Of course. What makes you think I wouldn't?"

"Oh, I know you wouldn't lie to me, sweetie," the redhead hastens to reassure her girlfriend. "I just don't want you to avoid the answer because you think it might hurt me. Okay?" Willow gave the brunette her most earnest look, biting her lower lip a little.

"Will, you're scaring me a little here. What do you wanna know?"

The witch takes in her girl's defensive body posture and figures she already has her answer, but she wants to hear the words. Taking a deep breath, she quietly asks, "Kennedy, are you worried that I'll want to break up since Tara's still alive?"

The dark haired girl blushes ever so slightly and looks down.

"That's it, isn't it? That's part of the reason you've been distancing yourself from me today." She pauses, then softly asks, "Am I right?"

Kennedy takes a deep breath, stalling for a moment, then she slowly nods.

Willow gives a little nod of her own. "I thought so." Reaching out, she uses the tips of two fingers to tilt the potential's face up until she can see Kennedy's eyes. "Kennedy, I'm not going to lie to you. A great big part of me is still in love with Tara. I never stopped loving her, not really. You've known that all along, even if neither of us ever said it out loud. On the other hand, just because she took me back once, that doesn't mean she will again. Especially since she doesn't remember everything that made her decide to last time." She pauses and looks down for a moment, then back up and into the chocolate eyes she adores so much.

"But, she might remember, or maybe, if she's around for a little while, she might just decide she can't live without you any longer," Kennedy argues, her expression saddened. "I mean, we haven't been together very long, but I already can't imagine..." She stops and looks to one side for a moment, recomposing herself. "From what the others told me, you guys were together for a little over two years! I - I can't compete with that!"

"It's not about competing!" Willow replies fervently, almost angrily. She closes her eyes for a second, then opens them, continuing in a more even tone. "Kennedy, do you know why Tara left me?"

The younger woman shrugs. "Something to do with magic is all I know. It was kind of a sore subject, so I didn't ask too many questions, y'know?"

Willow takes the brunette's hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "I can understand that. None of us really like to talk about that time. And you're partially right. Tara left me for three reasons. The first one was that I was out of control with the magics. She thought I loved doing magic more than I loved her, and in some ways, she was right. I loved being so powerful, being able to do more to help Buffy than read books or surf the net. And that's how I thought of it.

"Suddenly, I wasn't mousy little Willow anymore, too weak to really help, needing to be protected all the time. If I needed it, I knew a spell than would make me stronger than Buffy, I could make fire with a thought, even bring the dead back to life. I loved that feeling and I thought, hey, I've got all this power, might as well use it for what I want. It's mine, after all. But Tara knew better. She knew that magic was a gift, that you have to use it carefully. She knew that the only people who use their power for their every whim are people who become like Amy was. Sorcerers that eventually forget they were once human and see nothing wrong with using people any way they want to."

"Okay, I get that," Kennedy says, though she still looks a little confused. "But, what's all that got to do with you and her splitting up?"

Willow smiles gently. "Patience. Not really a Slayer trait, is it?" She teases, then giggles lightly at Kennedy's grumpy expression. She gives her girl's hand another squeeze. "Tara saw that I was starting to use magic for everything and she gave me a choice; stop acting like I was and learn the proper uses for magic or keep doing what I was and she would break up with me. I told her she meant way more to me than magic and I promised to go a week with no spells to prove it to her."

She pauses, looking down as memories of that encounter wash over her. Kennedy watches the emotions as they flicker across the redhead's face. Softly, she observes, "Since you guys did break up, I guess you didn't make it through the whole week, huh?"

The redhead shook her head, a sad, rueful smile on her face. "Not even a whole day. I cast a spell to make Buffy forget she'd been in heaven, since she was having such a hard time dealing with being alive again, and to make Tara forget we'd ever argued about me using too much magic. It worked, but not the way it was supposed to. Instead of Buff and Tara just forgetting what I thought of as one bad memory, something went wrong and all of us, even Spike, ended with with complete amnesia. Since we didn't know who we were or that we had powers and stuff, we almost got killed by a buncha vampires before Xander broke the spell. As soon as the spell broke, though, Tara knew immediately what had happened. She packed that night and left. She was so angry with me. Not just because I broke my promise, but because I decided she didn't get to be angry with me when I cast that memory spell."

Her eyes staring unfocused at the fence, the redhead continues her monologue as memories roll through her. "You'd think that the love of my life leaving me would wake me up, make me see that she was right, but no. First I just casually turned Amy back into a human, then she returned the favor by introducing me to Rack, a sorcerer who got me addicted to black magick. It took nearly killing Dawnie while I was 'high' from a trip to Rack's before I finally saw what Tara had been trying to tell me for months. That magic was ruling my life and I hadn't even cared 'til then."

She took a deep breath, trying to throw off the feelings of melancholy. She looks up at Kennedy, her expression wryly sardonic, but her green eyes haunted. "So see? I manage to hurt everyone I'm with. I cheated on Oz with Xander, I nearly got my entire family killed because I knew what was best for them, I ripped the energy from your body without a thought and I raped the mind of the first person I ever fell totally in love with, twice!" She clenched her eyes shut, trying hard to stop the tears that threatened. A harsh laugh sounds. "And that doesn't even count the stuff today. Sometimes I think Buffy should've just killed me the night I hurt Dawnie."

Kennedy immediately leaned forward, her free hand sliding up until she's cupping one side of Willow's face. "Hey, stop that! No one gets to beat you up when I'm around and that includes you, hear me?" She releases the redhead's hand so she can hold her face with both hands, gently forcing Willow to look at her. "All that is in the past and, with the possible exception of the energy sucking thingie, which I totally understand now, you're not gonna do any of it again, right?"

Willow looked into Kennedy's eyes and gave her head a quick shake, the first tear finally breaking loose and rolling slowly down her cheek. Kennedy moved her thumb, brushing the droplet away. She forces a slight smile onto her face, discovering it's easier than she thought it'd be. "As for today, I totally understand. Yeah, it hurts to feel like I'm being ignored by the person I'm in lo - That I like so much, but I do get it, so please stop beating yourself up about it, okay? For me?"

Willow gives a deep sniff and brings a brave little smile to her face. To her amazement, she really doesn't have to force it. Kennedy's double slip of the tongue telling her that the younger woman feels the same way as she does makes her heart soar. "Okay. I'll try to stop." She turns her head a little and kisses one of the potential's palms. "But, you have to do something for me in return, okay?"

"Anything. Just name it."

Reaching up, Willow takes both Kennedy's hands in her own, lacing their fingers together as they drop between them. "I want you to stop thinking that I'm just going to toss you aside, just because Tara's alive. Nothing is a sure thing about this. Nothing. Understand?"

Taking a deep breath, the brunette forces a smile onto her face and nods, not really trusting her voice at that moment.

Looking into Kennedy's eyes, Willow sighs as she sees that her girlfriend still believes they're through. That it's just a matter of days until she admits what the brunette just "knows" for certain. A half smile graces her lips. "Kennedy, I'm not just saying what I think you wanna hear and I'm not just trying to make you feel better. Even if Tara tells me in the morning that she remembers everything, she and I still have a lot to talk about. I'm not just gonna say 'Great! Well, Kennedy, thanks for the last few months, but I'm breaking up with you now. Tara's back. You understand,' or something like that."

The redhead fidgets a little. She releases Kennedy's hands and begins to wring her own nervously. "Even if she remembers taking me back, there's still the fact that she left me because she saw how out of control I was getting with my magic. I can't help but think; If she left me once because of the magic, why would she want me back now, since I'm nothing but magic in a Willow wrapper?" She looks down, sadness creeping back into her eyes.

Kennedy leans forward, sliding a hand up along Willow's cheek. "Hey! That was different, remember?" The brunette can't quite believe she's doing what she's doing, but she can't stand anyone hurting Willow, even if it's the witch herself. "You said yourself how out of control you were then. I've watched you the whole time I've been here, that we've been together. You're nothing but control now." She smirks and teases, "Sometimes a little too controlled, if you know what I mean!"

Willow laughs a little, almost against her will at the teen's hint. "You say that like it's a bad thing," she teases back, then her face clears and the sad look returns. "Remember what happen the last time I let my control slip a little? I turned into Warren and almost shot you! I have to be in control now, Kennedy. I have to!"

The potential gently tipped Willow's head up until she could see her girl's eyes, though the redhead refused to look at her. "Hey! That was Amy, not you! You couldn't do that and we both know it."

Willow starts to protests, but the brunette waves it aside. "Yeah, I know, Amy's spell only took your guilt over kissing me and used it, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have bought a gun and threatened to shoot me if it hadn't been for her. I mean, I know we still would've had to talk about you feeling like dating me was 'betraying' Tara, but I'm fairly sure that the toughest thing you'd have done to me without Amy's spell was making me sleep somewhere else in the house!"

A damp gurgle of amusement bubbles up from the witch as she smiles at the potential's words. "The basement for sure. You'd have had to sleep with Spike!"

Kennedy grimaces playfully. "Okay, I was wrong. Think I'd rather face the gun again!" She winks to show she's not serious.

For a split second, Willow looks shocked, then her expression alters to amused annoyance. "Just for that, missy, you just might be sleeping in the basement tonight!" Her voice is playful growl as she fights to not smile, finally losing the battle. Kennedy smiles in return, raising an eyebrow in silent question.

"Okay, okay. I admit it. You have a point about the magic, but there's another reason. A really good one, I think."

Willow pauses and waits so long, Kennedy gets a little impatient. "Okay, I'll bite. What reason?"

The redhead takes a deep breath, then says slowly, the faintest hint of a smile coming onto her face. "The other reason she might not want me back is when she finds out about me and you." She pauses and looks down, suddenly unable to look the potential in the eyes any longer. "When she finds out I'm as in love with you as I am with her."

For a moment, Kennedy just nods, not having really heard the witch's words. Then the brunette registers what Willow said and her eyes open wide. A warm feeling starts in her chest, despite her thinking she must have heard wrong. "You... you love me?" She whispers.

Willow smiles happily, lovingly. "Yeah, I do. I figured it out today, just before the crazy started, in fact. Just before you came in, I was thinking about you, daydreaming really, and it just hit me that I'm in love with you, and that I have been for a while now."

Willow locks eyes with her girlfriend, looking deep into her chocolate eyes, cupping her face with a soft palm. She smiles when she feels the younger woman lean into her touch. "All this is probably gonna get crazier, with Tara and the First and Buffy's training and everything, but I want you to remember one thing, okay? You can do that, right?"

Kennedy nods without thought, her own hand coming up to cover Willow's. "Anything for you."

The redhead smiles at that, realizing that she'd do anything for Kennedy as well. "I want you to remember this; I love you, Kennedy Wilson. I think I started falling for you when you teased me that first night." She suddenly pouted, but her eyes were shining with merriment. "And I do not snore!"

Kennedy broke up at that, laughing out loud. "Yes, you do," she argued, grinning wickedly at the same time. "But it's okay. It's very soft and really cute, so I don't really mind!"

Willow playfully scowled at her girl, sticking her tongue out at her. Her playful mood dimmed a bit after a minute or so. She turned serious eyes on Kennedy once more. "Okay, I need to ask you to do something, but if you don't want to, it's okay. It's kinda unfair, but I think it needs to be done." She stopped, taking a deep breath. "I want you to come with me to the hospital tomorrow so I can introduce you to Tara. So I can explain things to her too. I won't ask you to stay long, cause I don't think I'd want to if it was the other way around, but..."

Kennedy reached up and placed two fingers on Willow's lips, halting the babbling flow of words. "Red, it's okay. I get it and I don't really mind. From what I've heard from your friends, I'm pretty sure I'll like her." Willow gave her a disbelieving look, raising one eyebrow in a classic silent statement of, 'Oh really?'

Kennedy grinned lopsidedly and colored a little. "Okay, I can promise I don't hate her, or even want to." She looked up at the redheaded witch with a crooked smile. "Which is weird, really, considering how territorial and possessive Slayers are. Me included, usually," she admits with a shrug, dismissing the seeming incongruity. She stopped, then nodded, like she was deciding something for herself. "Besides, you're right. She needs to know what's going on, even if she doesn't remember everything from before."

Unshed tears glisten in emerald eyes as Willow gazes wondrously at Kennedy. How had she gotten so lucky? she wonders. Not once, but twice she'd fallen in love with totally amazing people. Women willing to be miserable themselves if she was happy, even as she felt the same way about them. So unlike a lot of the examples of 'true love' she'd seen growing up.

There were her parents, who seemed more like room mates than lovers(though, in some ways, that was okay. Trying to picture her parents having a sex life gave her a serious wiggins). Buffy's parents divorcing when she was fifteen, though that was before they met, of course. Xander's cluelessness, his parents drunken hostility, Oz's infidelity. Though, in truth, they could've gotten passed that, since she'd had that 'fluke' with a suddenly clued in Xander. Oz's bailing, all the girls she'd ever known, except for Buffy, bouncing from boy to boy on a nearly daily basis, treating them as interchangeable. Then again, considering the guys, they probably were interchangeable. A jock was a jock, right?

Refocusing her wandering mind, Willow regards Kennedy through watery eyes. "How can you be so understanding? I mean, I'm thankful and I love you even more for it, but how? I treated you so bad today! I completely ignored you, even when I was sitting there with you holding me, I acted like you weren't even there! How can you be so 'It's okay!' with that?"

Kennedy shrugged. "Truthfully? Because I don't have a lot of choice." Willow winces and looks away, the first tear finally breaking free to roll down her cheek. "Hey! I didn't mean it like that," Kennedy hastens to explain, wiping the tear away. "What I meant was... The way I see it, I have two choices. I can either play the spoiled five year old that someone's threatening to steal her favorite toy, or, I can do the mature thing. I can accept that just because I love you, that doesn't mean I get to tell you what to do, but I can hope for the best."

Willow's face instantly blossoms into a bright smile through her tears. "You love me too?"

Kennedy looked at her bemused, her expression simply screaming, 'You couldn't tell?' She smiled, a little lopsidedly. "Well, yeah. For pretty much as long as I've known you."

Willow stared at the potential for a second, her smile widening and brightening until Kennedy witnesses what Buffy and the Scoobies call her 'tongue-grin' for the first time. The Scoobs know when Willow smiles like that, she's at her happiest.

Kennedy barely has time to brace herself before her arms are full of giddy redhead as Willow showers her face with kisses, ending with a deep, passionate one on the Slayer to be's lips. Kennedy is surprised for a second, then catches up, returning the witch's kiss with interest, her lips moving in time with Willow's.

A timeless moment later, the lovers both pull away, their breathing labored, but both still smiling. They stare into each others eyes, their thought running along similar lines, [She loves me!] Kennedy, conversely, is the first to have an image of Tara start to counter the happier thought and her smile dims.

{Okay, Kennedy, time to slow back down,] the rational part of her mind thinks. [Yeah, Red says she loves me, but she also said she loves her. We know what our luck is like, so Tara should remember everything or just plain forgive her in a few days, then Willow'll pick her and we'll be screwed. Like always.]

[You don't know that,] the rest of the brunette argued back. [Even if she remembers or wants Will back, Red says loves me too, just as much, so maybe I'll be the one who gets picked.]

{Yeah, right. Cause things always work out our way. Hey, look, we have the loving parents, the Watcher that's still alive and no one really wants to kill us, right?]

Shaking her head, the potential intentionally ignores the caustic ramblings of her own mind. Smiling again, she pulls a little further away, releasing Willow. The witch doesn't move back to the other side of the blanket where she was, instead sitting beside the brunette, making sure that their knees lightly touch.

Reaching up and gently brushing a stray lock of hair off of Willow's forehead, Kennedy maintains her smile and recaps. "So, tomorrow morning, you and me, and probably all your friends troop down to the hospital, I run everyone out for a few minutes and you intro me to Tara, right?"

Willow nodded and smiled softly, though it still looked troubled to Kennedy. "Yeah, that's pretty much it." The redhead looked pensive for a moment, then added thoughtfully, "From what I remember from biology and the medical books I've read, that's probably the plan for the next couple months, too. Well, without the repeated introductions," she said, blushing a little.

The potential looked at her, somewhat confused. "Why for the next couple months?" Then her face cleared and she answered her own question. "Right. Muscle tone. She's been just lying there, so her muscles are pretty much useless now, right?"

"Yeah," Willow nodded. "If you're not a Slayer, getting your muscles back in shape after that long of a coma can take nearly a year. Faith managed to be back to pretty much normal in a day or so, but, like I said; Slayer." She shrugged.

The Slayer to be cocked her head and looked curious. "Faith?"

"Huh? Oh, right, you wouldn't know. You've heard that Buffy's died a couple times, right?" Kennedy nodded. "Well, the first time, another Slayer was called. Kendra. She was killed by a crazy vampire and Faith was called. She went nuts, killed a couple humans and turned kinda evil. Buffy stopped her and Faith ended up in a coma. When she came out, she did the body swap thing with Buffy, Tara and I undid that, then she went to LA, then to jail. She's been there since, but from everything we hear, she's doing better now. Not so crazy anyway."

"Huh." Kennedy appeared thoughtful as she absorbed what her girl had told her. She looked up at Willow again as a thought occurred to her. "So, where's the Slayer from when Buffy died the second time?"

The redhead shook her head. "There wasn't one. We did some research after her funeral and found out the Slayer line runs through Faith now. She'd have to die to call another Slayer."

Kennedy slowly nodded. "I get it." She took a deep breath, then frowned as her stomach rumbled unhappily. "Well, as interesting as this little side trip was, maybe we should finish our picnic and head inside. You want to leave for the hospital as early as possible, right?"

"If that's okay," she temporized.

The potential nodded as she started dividing up the food. "Yeah, it's fine. Like I said, I kinda figured that's what you'd wanna do. Here," she handed Willow her plate with a smile. The witch returned the smile and they started to eat.

Everything they'd talked about rumbled about in Kennedy's mind, each thought and concept tumbling over the others as she integrated them into her own thought processes. After several minutes of quiet eating, she stiffened and caught Willow's eye. "Out of curiosity, there aren't many good healing spells, are there?" She asked speculatively.

"No, not really. I mean, there are healing spells, but they're either really low power and don't do much or have worse side effects or really bad conditions to make them work at all," she explains.

"So, there's nothing you can do to speed up someone healing?"

"Well," Willow replied slowly. "I do know this meditation technique that draws power from the Earth to kinda supercharge your own healing process. Not as fast as a Slayer, but quicker, anyway. Why?" She gave Kennedy a wondering look. "You're obviously thinking about Tara, but she won't want me to do magic on her. Why do you want me to?"

"It's pretty simple, Red. I mean, the First probably knows that Tara's not dead, since it can only look like people who've died." She reaches out and take one of Willow's hands. "I was thinking, if you could help her muscles heal faster, she could leave the hospital and stay here to finish recovering."

"Yeah, I think the meditation thing I mentioned would work for that, but, what's wrong with the hospital?"

Kennedy had to smile at the adorable confused look on Willow's face, but it quickly faded. "Baby, think about. The First might know she's not dead, but what it may not know is that she's awake now and you know it. As soon as it finds that out, any bets he'll try to have her killed to hurt you? I mean, you told me what it said to you that first time you met it, so it knows what she means to you. What better way to take you out of the fight?"

Willow's eyes opened as wide as they could as Kennedy's words sank in. "Tara," she whispered, then tried to surge to her feet.

"No, Willow!" The brunette pulled her back down to the blanket. "I'm sure it'll be okay until tomorrow morning, but you should try to get her to let you do your thing as quick as possible. That way, she can come here and Buffy and the rest of us can protect her until she can defend herself. Everyone's said she was a kick ass wicca before, so she'll be fine really quick!"

The witch stopped struggling and looked at her girlfriend with a lost, but hopeful countenance. "Are you sure it'll be okay 'til morning?"

"Pretty much, yeah. I can't think of a way for the First to find out about her tonight, so it'll be fine." She smiles, but sees that Willow remains far from convinced. "You wanna go call the hospital and ask them to check on her a buncha times tonight?"

Willow bit her lower lip, then nodded, her eyes worried. Kennedy smiled reassuringly at her and stood, extending a hand to help the redhead to her own feet. Once she was standing as well, the brunette rotated her hand, interlacing their fingers before leading the way to the back door.

She wasn't at all sure what tomorrow would bring, but right now, she knew she loved Willow and Willow said she loved her, and that she could deny the redhead nothing if it would make her happy. She would worry about what Tara meant to their relationship later. For tonight, she and Willow were together and that was enough.

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