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See Chapter 1 for Ratings and Disclaimers
"Morning," she says, "You didn't come to bed last night."
"I fell asleep down here-" I say but my thought add-wasn't sure I could-that you wanted me with you.
"Yeah-I came and covered you up last night."
"Thanks," I reply but so much more wants to come out.
"Wanted to wake you up, but..."
I turn and look into her eyes, "Why didn't you?" I ask as I step back.
"I wasn't sure you'd come to bed with me.-You were kinda all quiet-thinking maybe you wanted some space." I hear the sincerity in her words and feel badly. "I didn't sleep at all if that helps." She smiles a tight smile.
I try to explain my sudden craziness, "I need to just-I feel like-" I stop and move back from her a step farther, and she opens her arms and lets me go. I know from the look on her face that she's confused, but I don't know what to say-how to make it make sense. I don't know why I'm upset with her I just am.
She speaks again, "Willow-I hate it when we fight. What's wrong?"
Tears threaten to fall as we both struggle. I think carefully then I start, the words pour out- "Sometime-it's-I miss you. It's like you're not here-or maybe I'm not.-The slaying takes so much and I worry."
She lunges forward and her arms are around me again, comforting me. "Hey-no! I'm here, see? An-and you are here too. And why the worry? It's not like I'm patrolling alone."
A little smile creeps across my face and I roll my eyes at her words cause I know she's right-she's not alone. "No-you're not alone," I manage to say. She's safer then Buffy ever was with a Slayer watching her back. Her back-I think-goddess I hope that's all she's watching.
She smiles a little relieved, "See and Buffy's been doing this forever right?" She tries to get me to be rational. "She'll keep me safe. She knows you'll kick her butt if she doesn't." She tries for comedy.
My mood shifts so fast even I don't understand it and she's caught in the crosswinds, "You really don't get it." I hear my words as my voice rises.
I see Kennedy's confusion, "Get what? -I was trying to prove I'd be okay."
"Forget it-look, I'm being all overreacty-let's just-last night didn't happen." I don't want to fight, so I'm not going to. I just stop.
But she doesn't, "Yes it did Will and I just want to understand. I thought we were good here, but I was wrong apparently.-Is it because I patrol every night? I can cut back."
I shake my head because it's not that-not really. "No," I say softly but not explaining any farther.
"No? No what?"
"No-it's not the patrolling. Please let's just forget it." My voice sounds pleading even to my ears. I step forward and touch my Slayer's cheek with my hand. "Just being crazy girlfriend here," I take all the blame, though I shouldn't. "It's okay I swear." I search her eyes and see them soften. I know I've won-it's over for now at least.
"Okay," she says softly. "If it's what you want. Listen, have you had breakfast yet?"
I move forward and kiss her chastely. "No, I've gotta meet Giles this morning." I see her face drop, and I quickly add, "But lunch?"
She pouts playfully, "Okay. Pick you up at G-man's house?-I may have a surprise."
I feel myself smile at the thought of a surprise and I bite my bottom lip- "I like surprises."
She smiles shyly, "Do you?"
I nod, "About one?" My tone is flirty.
"One it is-I'll even bring the car and not the bike."
I think about the bike, my arms around her waist holding her tight, "The bike's okay if you want." She looks at me unsure. "I can hold you," I smile again.
Kennedy's return smile is seductive, "Yeah, there's that."
"Like that," I add and our eyes meet. She leans in and kisses me softly and I kiss her back, then pull away. I really don't want to last night not holding her- I shake the thought s away. "Gotta go."
"Okay," my Slayer concedes. "Love you, you know?"
I smile and nod, "I do know, and I love you too." I kiss her again, needing to feel her lips on mine. I then step back and start to leave.
"Uh-Will?" I turn back to her. "I like the view, but I think you might wanna change." A playful leer crosses her face.
I look down and I blush, then shake my head as I realize I'm still in my pajamas. "She what you do to me?"
She smiles and it's so natural and easy. She says softly, "Thought you liked what I do to you?"
I bite my bottom lip as our eyes meet, "I do," I move back to my girl and our lips meet again. "But I'm gonna be late-so, I should change."
I start to move away and I hear, "Want me to wash your back? Don't want a dirty back when you see Giles." She smirks.
I look over my shoulder at her excited eyes and smile seductively, "I wouldn't say no." I turn and walk away. "Hey! -" I shriek and then giggle in surprise as my Slayer picks me up in her arms.
"What? -" she smiles, "It's my favorite use of my Slayer strength."
"Mine too," I agree as I snuggle into her. Her lips are on mine as she eases us up the stairs and into the bathroom. Still kissing the door closes. She puts me on my feet and I turn, pressing her to the door. My fingers work on the buttons of her top as our lips still move together. "Too many clothes," I pant as I move my lips away, concentrating on my fingers and getting her out of her pajamas.
"You too," I hear her say, her breath is as heaving as mine. Then her hands are on my top as well. She moves her lips along my neck.
I let my head fall to the side giving her all the room she needs as I bite my lip. "Feels so nice," I breath out as she continues- "Ummm" tongue ring- I think as she licks my neck, my ear-my eyes refuse to stay open as her lips nibble on my ear and then she brings it into her mouth. I hear myself moan-the thinking-it's getting harder-can't think.
I hear words, but they're out of focus-whispers, then they make there way into my addled brain, "Do you know how incredibly sexy you are?"
She continues to assault my neck and ear.-Shit, does she really expect me to talk, it's hard to remember to breath. I'm so lost. I try to shake my mind back-to answer her-to form words and finally, breathing- "Sexy-you are,'" I manage. Then I feel cool air on my skin and know my top is gone. Her lips are on mine again and instinct takes over. My fingers finish the buttons on her top and it joins mine in the floor. Our lips keep moving together, steady unrushed. I moan loudly as I feel her tongue and I take the invitation and play. I stroke hers and hear her moan, then I'm moaning louder still as her tongue ring slides back and forth. I move my hand to her toned abs-nails sliding against dark skin, I smile slightly as I realize my mind is working again. Goddess I love her-this.-I feel her hands on me, stroking me, my sides -the touch is light-teasing-I love when she teases. "Kenn-" I call out as I pull away for air. I feel a smile cover my heated lips as I look into her eyes.
I tease her now, my lips and my tongue on her neck-I hit all of her sensitive spots-playfully, tantalizingly. "Oh-umm-Will-" is all she manages.
I love it when she's lost. When I can take her away. "Taste good," I whispers in her ear and I feel her shiver, "Taste all of you," I add as I move my lips down her neck, across her shoulder-and farther still as she moans-for me-just for me. Me and no one else. No one.
I'm sitting at my laptop typing, but my mind isn't on the demon text in front of me. The morning, the shower-well, I sigh at the memories-her hands, her lips on me-a smile covers my face as I hear her voice, "Willow-Giles-?"
"In the study Sweetie," I look up at the door and my smile brightens as she enters.
"Hey gorgeous, ready for lunch?"
I blush at her words, her compliments always do that to me still-now after all these months together. "Almost."
"Great!- Hi Giles.
"Hello Kennedy."
I wonder what my Slayer has in mind as I see an evil smile play across her face, "Can I have my girlfriend back soon?"
His face grows stern, "Considering the lateness of her arrival..." he stops with a knowing smile.
"Traffic honest," lies my girl.
"Traffic-of course."
"Shhhh-working here-" I say before he can complete his thought, because I know the previous times are about to be brought up.
Kennedy rolls her eyes not realizing that I saved her, "Okay-maybe I can help-you know, make up for it?"
"Really-" I try to stop her again. "Like five seconds-if the two of you will be quiet." I can't help but think of the day ahead-the surprise she promised me and I understand why she's eager to help.
"Sorry baby," she apologizes for the-well too manyth time in the last day.
"It's okay," I assure her with a soft smile.
She walks away and I go back to work. Seconds later I look up at the man, as my fingers type unhindered. "This is the last text right?" Out of the corner of my eye I see Kennedy flipping through a book.
"For now I suppose," says Giles and I smile. I shut my laptop and stand crossing to my Slayer before he can change his mind. "Enjoy your lunch."
"Hope so."
Kennedy helps me on with my jacket, "Bye G-man."
He scowls at her, "Kennedy how many times must I ask you not to call me that?"
She grins, and I know she's not sorry-but she speaks them just the same. "Sorry-I keep forgetting." We leave his house hand-in-hand.
Outside Kennedy pouts, "Stupid weatherman-too cold for the bike, Will.-It was supposed to be warm."
She opens the door for me and I love it-she's always the romantic. Those who think she's a big bad Slayer are so wrong. She's just a softy. I smile at the thoughts. "Thanks Sweetie."
I watch her jump around the front and climb in, "Feel like anything special?"
"Thought you were gonna surprise me?" I take her hand in mine.
"Well, yeah-okay-oh-got it!" She turns the car and starts toward a more upscale restaurant row. I give her a questioning smile-knowing her she has decided to do this up right and right to her means expensive. She smiles and pulls my hand to her lips and kisses it as she pulls into Outback. "Okay?-Cause if it's not-"
"Here's fine," I lean in and kiss her. She kisses back deepening it a little.
Then I hear a voice from outside, "Oh, baby! Can we help with that?" We both look up to see a couple of teenaged boys.
Kennedy reaches for the door handle and I can see the anger in her eyes. I touch her arm cause I know if she leaves the car those boys are in trouble. No matter how rude they are they should just be ignored- "Sweetie it's not worth it." I feel her tension leave-its funny the connection I have with her sometimes since the Slayer spell.- She looks at me, "Okay-ignoring them. Let's just go inside."
"Definitely go inside," we kiss. "I missed breakfast." I smirk knowing she'll forget about the boys with this conversation.
"Sorry you didn't get breakfast." She looks a little worried.
Not what I wanted. I back pedal, "No, in fact I wouldn't complain if we missed dinner later.-
She smiles, "We can do that." She gets out of the car and comes around to my side. She gives the boys a glare as she opens my door and I get out. She wraps an arm around my waist and I do the same. We enter the restaurant that way and we sit, waiting for a table.
A few minutes later a loud speaker calls her name and we follow the hostess to our seat. When the waiter comes Kennedy asks, "Do you want to split one of those onion things Sweetie? Spike was always talking about them."
"If you want," I smile as I answer. I think of Spike-glad he was able to become the man more than the monster. Keeping his demon at bay was always a struggle but he showed me it could be done. It still helps me on the days I want to give up.
Again I hear her words, not sure how many times she has asked, "Want a salad?"
"With lots of croutons," I answer with a smile.
Kennedy addresses the waiter, "We'll have an onion, two steaks-one well and one medium and a salad for her."
"And to drink?"
"Diet sodas for both-or do you want tea baby?"
"Tea please-with lemon-and -um lemon." The waiter leaves with a smile. As he leaves Kennedy smiles into my eyes and takes my hand I smile back, "No slaying tonight right? We can go home and snuggle later?"
"Maybe-" she says with a grin.
"Maybe?" I'm unsure-have plans changed and why my mind starts to panic.
"That's kinda the surprise," she says.
"More surprises?"
"Well it might be bad news." She sobers.
I look down at the table, then back up at her. "Let me guess," I fight not to become angry, but it's hard. "Faith wants you to help her with something?"
Her face shows surprise and I know I'm way off track and that's good. She shakes her head, "Huh?-No-no."
"No-" I repeat her word to make it real I suppose.
She smiles, "Just wanted to know if you think you can put up with me full time for awhile?"
My smile is impossible to stop. If there were vampires in the room they would be dust at this moment-the brightness of my mood would toast them. "Fulltime?"
"I talked to Buffy and... Faith, told'em I wasn't available for a while."
"You didn't have..." I stop, my mind spins with emotions; happiness, worry, relief-I kiss her-my Slayer, "You didn't have to."
She kisses me back. We get a few looks from others around us but I don't care. "I know," she says. "I wanted to. What you said last night-this morning-"
"I was being all controll-y-" I admit. I worry that she'll regret this.
"I got to thinking and I realized we haven't really had any us time recently. And no you weren't controll-y at all."
"I was a little," I insist, "cause sometimes I get-" I get crazy jealous, crazy worried-I want to say but I don't. "I don't know what I'd do without you." Tears start to form in my eyes.
She squeezes my hand- "Hey-" she says, "I'm not going anywhere."
Tears slip down my cheeks as I ask in a whisper, "Promise?" My thoughts drift to Oz-to Tara-cause they left. The people I love-they always leave.
"For you Red- anything."
That name again-Grrrrrrr-I have to talk to her about that-before I can, bad timing waiter guy shows up with the food. No tip for him I think.
Kennedy glares at him as he puts the food down and leaves without a word. I wipe at the tears. "Sorry for the weepy-I don't know why." And honestly I don't-I've been so emotional lately that if I didn't know better I'd think I was pregnant.
"It's okay, I know you worry-but I don't want you to."
"I try not to-sometimes I can't help it-it just happens." I begin to pick at the onion in front of us. Kennedy breaks off a big piece and I smile.
"I know what you mean-cause I worry too-when you do a spell." I start to panic. She worries? When I use magic-she worries I'll turn evil again? That I'll hurt her? No-just worries-I calm myself as I hear her next words, "So we're even?" She looks hopeful. She eats part of the onion and smiles.
"Mostly," I assure her.
"Maybe I can do something to help with that-" she says her tone is coy.
"Maybe-" I play along. "I like snuggling." I chew on my bottom lip as she continues to munch on the food. "Later we could.." I let the sentence die as I meet her eyes.
I can tell she's considering my words, "Yeah?"
"Yeah-okay?" I can feel the worry creeping back in,
"I think we can squeeze it in."
"So there's other plans-?" I can feel my eyes twinkle at the prospects. Goddess I love surprises.
"How about we get a movie and cuddle on the couch for a while tonight?" I smile and she knows what I'm thinking. Me-her on the couch- "Anything else in mind?"
I just smile. She holds up a piece of the onion for me and I lean in and take a bite. I make sure my lips touch her fingers, taste them-leaving no doubt what else I have in mind for later. "Lots of things in mind," I emphasize. She grins and eats the bite still in her hand. I lean forward and motion for her to do the same. When she does I put my lips at her ear and whisper-she blushes at my words. I know it's hard to believe-but I can make her blush. But they're private words, words for only us. My eyes settle on hers as I smirk.
She clears her throat still a little rattled as the rest of our food arrives. Again once the waiter is gone she speaks, "Might need to rethink the movie.-Your idea sounds more..." she sees my pout and stops- "Just kidding." I smile. She smiles a knowing smile as well. "Think I'm gonna pass up an evening of holding you?"
"Hoping not," I answer, my mind actually free from worry for the first time in-I can't remember when.
"Never-all yours," she says.
"Like the sound of that," I smile.
"And no vamp dust to wash off first. A plus right?"
I smile again and touch her cheek with my hand, "I feel bad about the not slaying-but I'm glad." I say to her truthfully.
Her hand covers mine, "It's not like we're gonna run out of demons if I take time off."
I nod and we finish our dinner in comfortable silence.
We're leaving the restaurant and my Slayer says, "Oh-Xander told me about a new shop downtown."
"New shop?" I ask interested.
She nods and grins slightly and I know instantly she's up to something, "Yeah, something about old books?"
I feel my eyes smile again, "Books?"-I feel like a kid who was just told they could spend the summer at an amusement park, "I like old books.-New books too-pretty much all books." I feel the babble about to take over.
"You do?" She teases. "How come I never knew that?" She asks playfully.
I bump my shoulder into hers and shake my head, "Shut up," I say with a playful pout. "Can we stop? Pretty please?"
"Stop? Where?" She continues to torment me.
"Remember the movie and the snuggling?" I warn with a raised eyebrow.
Kennedy nods, "Right-already planned on stopping honey. Just couldn't wait to tell you."
"So we can stop?" I ask for clarification.
"Have I ever refused you?" she asks.
I think about it for a while-deep in thought-then answer, "Only once."
"I did? When?" She asks honestly confused.
I lean in and whisper, remind her she refused to kill me if I went all Grrrrr-during the Slayer spell.
She gives me a look, "That was different," she says.
"How?"
"It wasn't possible-couldn't live without you." She smirks, "Besides I knew I wouldn't have to." She leans in and kisses me and I kiss her back feeling more loved then I deserve.
Kennedy starts the car and pulls out. She now holds my hand and I smile at my Slayer. My mind moves from her to the thought of books. I feel the excitement build and my heart races-books. Books my thoughts repeat.-Goddess, I'm still such a nerd. Words start to penetrate my brain-cover the thoughts there. "Huh? -Sorry baby all distract-y what did you say?"
She smiles at me, "I said do you need to go back to Giles' today?"
"Nah-well, maybe since I was late-but he won't mind if I bring him a book tomorrow." My babble is in full swing. "He likes books."
Kennedy gives me a dry, "Really? -Never noticed." I roll my eyes at her. "Kidding!" She says with a smile.
"I'm a little excited-you know how I get when I'm excited.-I get all babble-y and-"
Her lips are on my lips as she leans in and kisses me, stopping the outpouring of words. She pulls back. "Yeah, I know," she says. "Like it when you do that-you know?"
I blush just a little, "I like how you stop me."
"Is that why you babble? So I'll kiss you?" Her chocolate eyes twinkle. "Cause you could use some kind of a signal if that's why-like maybe just breathing."
My heart melts at her words of love and I smile, "Maybe-" then suddenly the bookstore is in front of me and my words stop. My brain makes a sharp turn, "Kennedy-it's right there-look! -and a parking place. Stop!" I say a little too loudly.
She laughs at me but pulls into the place I pointed out. Before the car is completely stopped I try to open the door. I'm greeted with a chuckle from my lover- "Baby the door won't unlock until the car is in park."
"I forgot-" I say sheepishly as I feel my face turn bright red.
She parks the car and turns the engine off, "Shall we?"
"Yes please," and I'm out the door before she can move.
Inside the bookstore I wander down the aisles gently touching books as I move from place to place. I stop surprised as I see a book on Talismans, as I pick it up I hear Kennedy's voice.
"Is that what I think it is?"
"Ah-a magic book-Tara had one like it."
"She did?" Her words are soft.
I regret having said that-I know she worries that Tara is the only one I will ever love, but it's not true. I love her as much I truly do. I can't explain it, but it's true just the same, "Yeah," I answer. She must sense my concern and worry because again her voice breaks through my mind's babble.
"It's okay."
I look down ashamed that I have hurt her, it wasn't my intention. I try to explain, "Sometimes things remind me-"
"I understand. You should remember." She pauses a beat. "Do you want it?" I nod slightly, still not looking-not meeting her eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?"
I shake my head and take a deep breath. I let it out slowly and then answer my girl, "Nothing."
Then I feel her arms around me. They are strong and safe, in they I feel comforted and cared for. "You miss her?" She asks.
"I have you." My worried mind screams-I hope I have you. My worries return.
"You do, now and forever." I almost smile at her words because a part of me believes them. "But not the question."
"I can't lose you too-" I whisper, my thoughts reeling as images fill my head. Oz with Veruca-Tara leaving me because of the Magicks-then her dying-blood on me. My Slayer's arms tighten around me almost as if she knows I'm in trouble. "Can we go home?"
Kennedy takes the book from my hand and starts to out it back but I stop her by putting my hand on her arm. "Want this one?"
"Okay?" I ask hoping it's not too much to ask her for-a book that reminds me of my lover. I look into her eyes needing to see the truth-and I tear up when I see the love there.
"Of course-ready?" I nod and we walk to the counter, her arm still protectively around my waist.
The clerk asks, "Are you into that kind of stuff?"
I see her Slayer senses surface as she raises an eyebrow, "Got a problem with that?"
"No-but there's a table full of them over there. The owner said he'd take fifty for all of them. Wants them gone."
"What table?" She asks as her eyes scan the room-, "Oh-that one."
I can't make myself move, but I follow her eyes and see them. There must be fifteen or twenty titles. They look old-important, I think about Giles-he would like them too.
"Sweetie, you wanna look or come back?" Her eyes rest on me.
"Ah-can we just-" I want them but before I can find the words she misunderstands.
I see her get out her wallet, "We'll just take this one today."
"No-" I finally say, "I mean-all of them? Can we?" I look into her eyes and she is smiling.
"Sure," she looks at the clerk. "We'll take'em. You got a box?"
He nods, "Be right back." He steps away from the counter, to the back.
I wonder if maybe the books were a bad idea. More memories that would cause pain and worry, but before I can convince myself to tell Kennedy that I changed my mind again the man returns. She hands him the credit card. Words filter around me but I don't hear them or process them. Thoughts of Tara still control my mind as I hold the book to my chest and I part of me wishes it were her.
"Ready baby?" Kennedy's voice makes it through. I just not. I feel my hand in hers as we walk to the car. She unlocks my door and opens it before moving to the other side to open hers and pop the trunk. As I get in the car and wait I stare out the window-an eerie tingle passes through me. She gets in the car and I feel her eyes on me. "You okay Willow? Baby?"
"Yeah," I lie not wanting her to worry as tears that I can't stop slip down my cheeks. Tears for Tara-tears for Kennedy-tears for me-had I lost them both? The question came out of nowhere and I can't shake it.
"You always cry when you're okay?" She asks teasingly trying to help the pain.
"I'll be okay," I try to assure her as I wipe my eyes. This time it isn't a lie.
I can still feel her uneasiness, "Wanna go back to Giles' and show him the books-or home?"
"Home," I say softly as I still stare out at the bookstore. I feel her hand on my knee and her touch relaxes me. It's comforting to know she's there.
"Home it is," she says and we drive away.
Home-I think-our home-hers and mine. I love her so much, I fight the memories and force myself to be calm and in control for her. I want to wipe away her fear-she might be a Slayer-but she knows and understands being afraid. "Sweetie-" I say softly as I turn to face her.
"Huh?" I can tell she's distracted-probably worrying about me. "Need something baby?"
"I'm sorry I'm all eeeeeee -about the book."
"S'okay. I understand. Really."
"I love you."
She takes my hand and kisses it, "I love you more." That's not possible I think as my tears start again-harder than before. I force them away and smile. I take our joined hands and wipe them away.
"Do you want to go through the box when we get home?"
"No-tomorrow," I say- "Tonight snuggles remember?"
She smiles and our eyes meet for a second, "Like I'd forget that. You pick the movie."
"Can it be a cartoon?" I wipe away more tears.
"Anything you're in the mood for. Can't promise I'll be paying much attention to the television though."
I almost smile-goddess she's such a flirt, as she grins at me. "Land Before Time?" I ask her.
She nods, "That's a good one, but haven't we watched it before? I kinda tend to lose track of things when you're in my arms."
A smile covers my face-then hers as I mutter, "You're a flirt."
"Only with you-" she leans in and kisses me softly.
I smile and shake my head as she starts to drive again. Flirt my mind repeats and for an instant I see Faith and wonder. I push it all away as she pulls the car into the garage and we're home. Home-the word repeats in my mind and my heart. This is home-she's my home.
Kennedy's POV
My eyes open suddenly and I realize I've dozed for a few minutes. I look over at the windows and see the sun is beginning to come up. Hadn't dawn been breaking just moments ago? Guess I must have actually slept about an hour or so.
Automatically, I reach to gather Willow close, to watch her wake up, to kiss her good morning. My questing arms find nothing but cold sheets and I start to get scared again. We've fought before, but she's always come to bed eventually, even if it was just to wake up together. The fact that she didn't this time does more to convince me I've missed something that anything she said the night before.
Jumping up, I make a quick trip to the bathroom, then go looking for my love. I find her in the kitchen, staring out the window, cup of tea in her hand. I smile relief, not understanding why I'm relieved, and move over toward her. She doesn't give any sign that she knows I'm there, so I slip my arms around her waist and kiss her neck. Laying my chin lightly on her shoulder, I say softly, "Morning. You didn't come to bed last night."
She doesn't move or really acknowledge my presence for a moment, then replies, "Fell asleep down here." She still won't look at me, her eyes fixed on whatever is outside. I follow her gaze, but find nothing.
"Yeah. I came and covered you up last night." I want to add 'I was worried about you.', but don't, for some reason.
"Thanks."
"Wanted to wake you up, but..." my words die off. How can I tell her I was terrified she wouldn't want me to? That she would simply roll over and ignore me? That she didn't want me anymore. I feel a little shudder run through me at those thoughts and suppress them savagely.
She sets her cup on the windowsill, then turns in my arms and I loosen them to let her. My beautiful redhead looks at me, her face equal parts surprise and confusion. And maybe a little... disappointment? "Why didn't you?" she asks.
I shrug and look away, unable to meet that frank green stare. I can't let her see my fears. "I wasn't sure you'd come to bed with me. We were kinda all quiet last night." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Thinkin maybe you wanted a little space."
Willow looks at me, her expression turning a little sad and she drops her arms to her sides. I try to capture her eyes, but she avoids my gaze, so I run my knuckles lightly across her cheek. "Hey, if it helps, I didn't much sleep at all." I drop my eyes as I admit why. "You weren't there for me to hold."
She looks up at me, then away again. "I need to just-I feel like..." She moves like she wants me to release her and I do. As she steps away from me, my heart aches, seeing the confusion and doubt race across her face. I can't help but wonder what she's thinking, what have I done?
I wait for her to speak, but after a few minutes, I can't help myself. "Willow, I hate it when we fight. What's wrong?"
She finally meets my eyes and it's all I can do to keep mine from falling as I see the tears forming in those emerald pools that I love so. I force myself to ignore the pain of seeing her cry and to concentrate on her words. "Sometimes-it's, I miss you--it's like you're not here--or maybe I'm not-the slaying takes so much and I worry."
I can feel my eyes open so wide, I'm sure I'll be blind when they fall out, then, with a small shake of my head, I dart forward, gathering her in my arms, hugging her to me frantically. "Hey! No! I'm here, see? An-and you are here too! And why the worry? It's not like I'm patrolling alone." I pull back enough to see her face, but can't bring myself to release her yet. I have to reassure her that I'm not going anywhere, no matter what. That I'll always come home to her.
My beautiful Red smiles at me and I feel a little better, though no less confused about where this came from. She rolls her eyes and says, "No-you're not alone."
I smile at her, happy she's at last getting my point. That she's stuck with me and that'll I'll never leave her. "See? And Buffy's been doing this forever, right?" I pause, the smile confidently, a confidence I'm not sure I feel. "She'll keep me safe. She knows you'll kick her butt if she doesn't."
Willow gives me a look that seems both amazed and... hurt? Why hurt? "You really don't get it."
She moves from my arms and I let her go, cause, now, I'm really mystified. What am I not getting? I thought she just wanted to know I'll be okay, always, cause all of us look out for each other. I can feel my face screw up with the confusion I feel. "Get what? I was trying to prove I'll be okay."
My love just gives her head a little shake and turns back toward me. "Forget it-look, I'm being all overreacty-let's just-last night didn't happen."
"Yes, it did, Will" I tell her vehemently. I don't want to forget this, I want to fix what I've done. I can't fix it til I know what's broken. "And I just want to understand! I thought we were good here, but I was wrong apparently."
I suddenly remember her protests the night before. "Is it because I patrol every night? I can cut back. I can go every other night. Or-or even every few nights."
She looks away when she says, "No-"
"No? No, what?" I ask, puzzled.
Willow looks back at me and smiles. Well, a small one, anyway. "No it's not the patrolling. Please, let's just forget it." She steps forward and touches the my cheek with her fingers. "I'm just being crazy girlfriend here. It's okay I swear."
I don't want to forget it, cause it's obviously important to her, but she wants to, so we will, for now. I mean, it's not like I can refuse her anything. "Okay. If that's what you want." I suddenly remember my promise from dinner last night and smile. "Listen. Have you had breakfast yet? I promised you pancakes, if I remember right."
She smiles again, softly, and shakes her head, then kisses me on my lips. It's just a little one, but it doesn't matter. I get just as lost in the feeling of her lips on mine as I ever do. "No-I've gotta meet Giles this morning," she tells me. I feel the good mood I was starting on fall away. I love cooking for her. I know my face is showing my disappointment and I try to stop it. I don't want her to know how much I wanted to do this little thing for her. She obviously has a lot on her mind and I don't want to add to it more than I already have.
"But lunch?" she asks.
I pout, but my heart's not in it. Could it be, she's going to forgive me? I think, hopefully. "Okay. Pick you up at G-man's house? I may have a surprise!"
She bites her bottom lip and smiles. "I like surprises."
God above, does she have any idea how sexy it is when she does that? Or how close I always come to just sweeping her into my arms and making love to her like it's the last chance we'll ever have? I half smile, half smirk at her, "Do you?"
She nods and says, "About one?"
I can't help but smile fully. She's flirting with me! It feels so good when she does. "One it is. I'll even bring the car and not the bike!" I know she doesn't really like to ride with me on my motorcycle, so I try not to push it too often.
That's why I'm confused by her somewhat dreamy look. "The bike's okay if you want." She notices that I'm not so sure about that and smiles. "I can hold you."
I think about her arms around me as we ride and that thought leads to other times when she holds me. I can't help but return her smile, but I know it's probably kinda seductive, because of what I'm thinking. "Yeah, there's that."
She looks up and into my eyes as she answers, "Like that." I can't stop myself, not that I want to, and I move toward her and kiss her lips softly, sighing slightly when she kisses me back.
As I relax into the kiss, she slowly pulls back. I start to pout, til I see she doesn't really want to. She licks her lips, the tip of her tongue darting out and it's all I can do to not kiss her again, more aggressively. "Gotta go."
I look down for a second, then back up. I'm relieved that it seems the tension between us is gone "Okay." I raise my hand up like I'm gonna touch her, but stop it. Instead, I call after her. "Love you, you know."
Willow nods and smiles as she replies. "I do know, and I love you too." She kisses me and I start to get lost in the feel of her lips on mine. Once more, reluctantly, it seems to me, she backs away and starts to leave the kitchen.
As she leaves, I notice at last that she's still in her pajamas. I grin and say, "Uh, Will?" As she turns back toward me again, my grin becomes a leer as I tell her "I like the view, but I think you might wanna change?"
She looks a little confused til she looks down at herself, then she blushes. God, there go my hormones again! How can anyone be so cute and sexy simply by blushing? Doesn't matter, though. She is, and I want her all the more.
"See what you do to me?" she asks me, shaking her head.
My leer transforms into a simple, loving smile, and I ask her, my voice soft. "Thought you liked what I do to you?"
She bites her lip and her emerald eyes meet my dark brown. "I do." She returns to me once more and kisses me. Lost again, my addled brain tries to send the signal to my arms to move up and hold her, but she moves away before they get the message.
"But I'm gonna be late-so, I should change."
She walks away again, and I let her get to the doorway before a thought crosses my once more functioning brain. I call after her, "Want me to wash your back? Don't want a dirty back when you see Giles."
She stops and looks back over her shoulder, her smile incredibly seductive. If I wasn't already hers, heart and soul, I would be in that instant. "Wouldn't say no." she answers, then she starts moving again.
I dart after her with a smile and scoop her up and into my arms. "Hey!" she squeals, surprised, then she giggles.
I smile brightly at her, making no move to put her down. In fact, I start up the stairs to the bathroom "What?" I ask, innocently. "My favorite use for Slayer strength!"
"Mine too." she agrees as she snuggles into my chest. After not holding her last night, this feels like heaven to me and I never want to put her down.
Leaning toward her, I kiss her. As she kisses back, I'm suddenly glad that finding my way around our home is nearly instinctual now, because my brain begins shutting down, totally lost in the feelings my love is generating.
We get to the bathroom, our kiss having never stopped all the way up here, and I ease up into the room and close the door with my foot. As I set Willow on her feet, she turns swiftly and presses me against the door, our lips never separating, still moving against each others.
She breaks it finally, and we both try to pull air into our lungs. "Too many clothes." I hear her pant, feeling her fingers nimbly unbuttoning my top.
"You, too," I gasp, as I bring my own hands up and start fumbling with her top. Dropping my head to her neck, I start nuzzling, then kissing her throat, her neck, working my way to her ear. She moves her head to one side, giving me greater access to the area.
I lick my way up her neck, from her pulse point to just under her ear. She moans and says, on a whispering breath, "Feels so nice."
I smile and flick her ear lobe with my tongue ring, before nibbling on it a little, then finally sucking it between my lips for a moment. She moans, a little louder, and I whisper in her ear, "Do you know how incredibly sexy you are?"
I go back to teasing her ear for a moment, tasting her, always wanting more. God, how can anyone taste this good? my frazzled mind asks, I don't really know who. I let her ear lobe slip from my mouth with a final lick, then kiss and nibble my way back down her neck.
Willow moans again, then pants out the words, "Sexy-you are."
My lips leave her neck and I smile slightly as I move back a little, stripping her shirt off. I kiss her, out lips moving together, steadily, the pace slow and even somewhat gentle. I feel my skin cool a little and I realize she got my top off, too.
Our kisses still unrushed, I lick her bottom lip, darting my tongue into her mouth, touching her tongue feather light. She immediately strokes hers across mine and I moan in ecstasy. I lick hers, the stud in my tongue sliding over and around hers, bringing a louder moan. I gasp a little as she slides her nails across my stomach, the sensation both tickling and teasing.
I stroke her sides, my mind not quite too far gone to listen to my commands to make the action light and teasing. She pulls away, out of our kiss with a gasp of, "Kenn!" She smiles at me as she looks into my eyes for a moment, both of us breathing heavily.
Her smile becomes a grin that I see only for a split second, then I feel her lips and tongue on my neck. She starts at my pulse point and I feel my mind shutting down, lost in the sensations this most beautiful of women is causing. I can feel her nibbling, licking, suckling at the one point for a moment, then move to the next place she knows I like best. She repeats the action up my neck and, with my last active thoughts, I try to remind her about the shower and Giles. "Oh! - Umm, Will-" is all I get out, before she takes my ear lobe between her lips and nibbles gently. She says something else, but my mind is gone. All I can do is feel, and shiver at what she's doing and moan, happily lost until she finds me again.
***
"I'll see you at one, baby." I tell Willow as she goes out the door. She waves and closes it behind. Turning toward the kitchen, I hunt up a little something to eat, then go to the phone, dialing from memory.
On the third ring, a groggy voice answers. "Yeah? Hello?"
I grin, but keep my voice serious, even apologetic. "Sorry to wake you Buffy, but I needed to know where you'll be about eleven thirty. Preferably you and Faith, actually."
She yawns in my ear and I glance at the clock. Ok, it's a little early on the Slayer time scale, but come on! "Kennedy?"
"Yeah" I answer, trying not to smile. "How about it? Eleven thirty?"
"Oh, uh, what time is it now?" her voice fades and I know she's checking for herself. Her voice comes back. "Uh, here, I guess. Faith is supposed to come by somewhere around then. Why? What's up?"
I shake my head, even knowing she can't see me. "Nothing, really. Just want to talk for a few minutes. Will and I are going out to lunch at one, so I won't keep you too long."
"Sure. I'll be here. Eleven thirty, right?"
I grin. She must have been out late last night. "That's right. See you then!" I wait til she says bye, then hang up. I start to head for our bedroom to get dressed, but the phone rings before I can get more than a few feet.
Moving back, I pick it up with a "Hello?"
"Kennedy? It's Xander. Is Will home?"
I smile, thinking of my love's best friend. Xander is such a good man that you can't help but like him. Plus, he really helped us make the changes we wanted around the house and he and I got kinda tight during that time.
"Sorry, Xand. She's on her way to Giles place. Something up?"
"Not really. Can you tell her I found a new antique book store downtown yesterday?"
I smile brightly, imagining my girl's reaction to this news. Sometimes I think she loves books more than me, but that's alright. I love the Slaying, just not quite as much as her, but I can relate. "You know that's gonna get me dragged down there, don't you? You are so gonna owe me!"
He laughs and agrees. We chat for a few more minutes, then, after making sure of the address for the new store, we sign off and I go to get dressed. Coming back downstairs, I check the weather report, smiling when the weather guy says it's supposed to be in the high sixty's today. I open the front door, goin out on the porch and discover he's an idiot. It might be fifty.
Sighing, I say goodbye to Willow holding me on my bike and reach back in and get my jacket and car keys. Locking the door, I head for Buffy's house.
***
Getting to Giles' with a few minutes to spare, I jog up to the door, knock quickly, then open the door. Walking in, I call out, "Willow? Giles?"
"In the study, Sweetie."
God, even her voice can make me smile and feel loved. My smile becomes broader as images from this morning flash through. Shaking my head, I make my way to the indicated room, my smile still in place. As I enter the room, I see her look up and I start to reach for sunglasses, her smile is so bright. I feel myself blush a little at the rush of love I feel, all for her. Never for anyone else, ever. I glance quickly around the room, then back to my love.
"Hey gorgeous. Ready for lunch?" I call.
She blushes and I sigh at the now familiar rush. "Almost."
"Great!" I grin at her, then turn to our Watcher. Since the Council was reformed, Giles made the arrangement that he was the official Watcher, with Will and Dawn's help, for all of us permanently based in Cleveland. "Hi Giles."
He glances up from the book he's looking at. "Hello Kennedy"
Suddenly, I can't help myself. Buffy and Faith have cut way back on teasing him, so I've been trying to take up the slack. Slayer honor, and all that. I know Will doesn't like it when I tease him too much, but sometimes, you just gotta go with it. I smile wickedly at him, my very best conspiratorial grin. "Can I have my girlfriend back soon?"
Giles looks at me, his expression very stern. "Considering the lateness of her arrival..." Anyone just hearing him would think he's angry. He's is a bit, I suppose, but there's also a certain light in his eyes and he smiles. He does play along sometimes, so I continue the game.
I school my face to absolute, trusting honesty. "Traffic. Honest!"
Must need to be British to keep your face that straight. "Traffic-of course."
"Shhhh-working here" My witch says and I roll my eyes, then turn toward her for a second, smiling.
"Okay - Maybe I can help. You know, make up for it?" I say to Willow, but more back toward Giles.
He starts to answer, but Will cuts him off. "Really like five seconds if the two of you will be quiet."
I look down and say, softly, "Sorry baby." I know how much she hates to be distracted when she's working, but sometimes, fun just has to happen. Still, I really am sorry.
"It's okay-" she tells me with a little smile. I feel warmed by it and just give her a small nod.
I walk over to the stacks of books and start flipping through one of them. It turns out to be a mug shot book, one of the old demon texts we use to ID the various demons we run across. One in particular catches my eye and I read a bit about it, name, habits, other info, filing it away in case I ever need it.
Willow's voice causes me to look up. "This is the last text right?" she asks Giles.
He looks around at the clock. "For now I suppose."
Willow smiles and closes her laptop and stands, crossing the room to my side.
"Enjoy your lunch." the Watcher says.
"Hope so." Will answers, as I get her coat and hold it up for her to slip into.
As she pulls her jacket tight and zips it, I look at the man standing nearby and toss him a casual "Bye, G-man!"
He immediately scowls and I can tell he's not playing this time. "Kennedy, how many times must I ask you not to call me that?"
I just grin at him. "Sorry. I keep forgetting." I offer. He nods slightly and I take Will's hand and we leave him behind.
As we leave the house, I look up, pouting. "Stupid weatherman. Too cold for the bike, Will. It was supposed to be warm."
I lead her down to the car and open the door for her. She smiles and says, "Thanks sweetie." as she gets in. I close her door, dash around to the driver's side and climb in.
Once I'm buckled in, I turn to her and ask, "Feel like anything special?"
She takes her hand in mine and my mind rejoices in the feel of her skin on mine. "Thought you were gonna surprise me?"
I'm momentarily flustered. That wasn't my surprise. "Well, yeah. But - okay." I think fast, then have it. "Oh! Got it!"
Willow gives me a questioning smile, but I just smile in, I hope, reassurance. Lifting our joined hands, I kiss hers. Looking back to the road, I quickly drive us to a nearby Outback steak house.
As I put the car in park, I turn to my girl and ask, "Okay? Cause, if it's not..."
"Here's fine," she assured me, leaning over to kiss me. Automatically, I kiss back, then we both deepen it.
An obnoxious voice intrudes. "Oh, baby! Can we help with that?"
We both look out the windshield and see a couple teenage boys leering at us. What is it with guys and seeing two women kiss? I think angrily as I reach for the door handle. I promise myself I won't hurt'em. Much.
Before I can even touch the handle, I feel her hand on my arm and I calm. "Sweetie, it's not worth it," she says and I abandon the idea. How does she do that? One second, I'm furious, then I'm perfectly calm. I don't know how she does that, but it doesn't really matter, I suppose. She can, and that's the important part.
I look at her. "Okay, ignoring them. Let's just go inside."
"Definitely go inside." She kisses me. Boys? What boys? "I missed breakfast." she adds with a smirk
I look down, frowning a little. "Sorry you didn't get breakfast." That's totally my fault. I was gonna fix her pancakes, til I started that stupid argument last night, and she didn't come to bed, and...
Her voice cuts off my thoughts. "No, in fact I wouldn't complain if we missed dinner later."
I smile at what she seems to have in mind. "We can do that." I tell her, already thinking ahead to the evening.
I get out and come around the front of the car to her door, giving the boys that are still there a glare. They turn and leave quickly. God, boys that age are such cowardly pack animals. I help Willow from the car and lock it. Slipping my arm around her, I smile a little as she does the same.
We enter the restaurant and I register us. We sit for a few minutes, then they call my name and we're seated. After a moment, a waiter approaches. I look at my love and ask, "Do you want to split one of those onion things, Sweetie? Spike was always talking about them, remember?"
She smiles. "If you want."
I smile in return, then look back at the menu. "Do you want a salad?" When she doesn't answer, I look back at my redhead. "Willow? Baby?" When I see her eyes focus on me, I ask again, "Want a salad?"
"With lots of croutons," she answers with a smile.
I nod and turn to the waiter, standing patiently beside our table. "We'll have an onion, two steaks, one well and one medium and a salad for her." I actually want a little more, but I know, even with missing breakfast, Willow won't be able to eat all of her steak with everything else that'll be there.
The man nods as he writes down our order. "And to drink?"
"Diet sodas for both. Or do you want tea, baby?"
"Tea please with lemon and...um, lemon." she finishes, a little blush creeping across her nose. It's light enough that I know I'm the only one who saw it. The waiter writes the drinks down and leaves with a smile.
I smile at my beautiful girl and take her hand in mine, our fingers interlacing.
"No slaying tonight, right? We can go home and snuggle later?"
Ah, yes. My surprise. I grin and answer. "Maybe."
"Maybe?" her smile slips a little.
I control my features tightly, making my expression serious. "That's kinda the surprise."
"More surprises?"
I know my face is grave now, but I love teasing her sometimes. I probably should have resisted and I hope this is good news. "Well, it might be bad news."
Willow looks down at the table, then back up at me, her expression turning a little angry, though I can tell she's fighting it. "Let me guess. Faith wants you to help her with something?"
So totally not what I was going to say. Where did she get that idea and why assume Faith? I shake my head and drop the act. "Huh? No - no."
"No."
I smile, a little unsure now if its welcome news. "Just wanted to know if you think you can put up with me full time for awhile?"
Willow's smile is so bright, why aren't people around us covering their eyes and hiding? "Full time?"
I nod and my smile broadens. "I talked to Buffy and Faith, told'em I wasn't available for a while."
"You didn't have...." she starts to say, then stops and kisses me. I return the kiss, before she pulls back and finishes. She glances around, but my attention is totally on her. "You didn't have to."
I shrug. "I know. I wanted to. What you said last night, this morning." My voice trails off. I don't want to ruin the mood by bringing up the fight any more than I have to.
"I was being all controll-y"
At the same time, I say "I got to thinking and I realized we haven't really had any us time recently." I look into her eyes. "And no, you weren't controll-y at all."
She looks down. "I was a little cause sometimes I get..." she stops for a second, then, in a near whisper, says, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
I see the tears forming, and I force myself to remain seated. I want to leap across the table and hold her, tell it's alright. Instead, I stay where I am and take her hand, squeezing it gently.
"Hey." She looks up at me. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise?" she asks in a whisper, tears slipping down her cheeks
I smile confidently. "For you, Red? Anything."
Before either of us can say anymore, the waiter arrives with our drinks and appetizer. Willow looks faintly annoyed by something, but I can't ask what til the waiter finishes. I glare at him and he hurries a bit, finally leaving.
My girl wipes her face with quick swipes. "Sorry for the weepy-I don't know why."
I smile. "It's okay. I know you worry, but I don't want you to." I really don't. I'm a lot safer out there than any Slayer in history.
"I try not to-sometimes I can't help it - it just happens." She picks at the onion between us, looking for the right piece, I guess. I pull off a big piece and take a bite as she smiles at me.
"I know what you mean, cause I worry too. When you do a spell?" I'm trying to reassure her. I know she's safe with most of her magic, but she has so much power, sometimes, I'm scared. Not of her, of course. Of the other magic users out there who want her power. My mind dredges up an image of Amy and I mentally bare my teeth. I ever see that bitch again...
My thoughts break off. Today's a day for happy thoughts. Returning my attention to my girl, I ask, "So, we're even?" I pop the other half of the onion piece in my mouth and chew, waiting for a reply.
"Mostly."
I smile and wonder, my tone teasing. "Maybe I can do something to help with that?"
"Maybe" She bites her bottom lip and I feel myself groan. "I like snuggling. Later we could..." Her voice dies as she meets my eyes and grin inwardly.
I stare into those emerald pools for a moment or two, before replying, "Yeah?"
She looks wistful. Why? "Yeah-okay?"
"I think we can squeeze it in.""
"So there's other plans?" she asks, greens eyes twinkling.
I appear to consider for a second. "How about we get a movie and cuddle on the couch for a while tonight?" She smiles and I have an idea that we'll never see the end of the movie. Not tonight, anyway. That's ok. There's a lot of movies out there that I don't know how they end.
I grin at her, but ask, innocently, "Anything else in mind?"
I hold up a piece of the onion for her and she smiles as she leans across the table, nipping the proffered food in half. I shudder as she closes her lips around my fingers, her tongue licking the underside of one of them. As she pulls back, I still the tremor running down my arm and eat the remaining piece in my hand.
She smiles and chews, then replies, "Lots of things in mind," she assures me. She leans forward again, motioning me to do the same. When I do, she whispers delightful things in my ear and I blush. I never used to blush, but she can get me to, pretty much whenever she wants. As she sits back, her eyes and mine lock and she smirks.
I shudder in anticipation, and try to clear my throat to answer her. Before I can, the waiter arrives with our main courses. One he leaves, I tell her, "Might need to rethink the movie. Your idea sounds more..." I try for a smile, but she pouts and I hastily backtrack. "Just kidding!" She smiles again and I match it, mine trying to tell her I really wasn't serious. "Think I'm gonna pass up an evening of holding you?"
"Hoping not."
I shake my head. "Never. All yours!" My mind once again skips ahead. Me, her, the couch. Her in my arms, warm and safe, a comfortable weight against me. I smile.
Willow smiles in return. "Like the sound of that."
"And, no vamp dust to wash off first. A plus, right?" I point out, trying to lighten things a little.
She smiles and put her hand on my cheek. I automatically lean into her touch. "I feel bad about the not slaying, but I'm glad."
I reach up and cover her hand with mine, my eyes gazing, lost with the depths of hers. "It's not like we're gonna run out of demons if I take time off." I point out.
She nods and we finish our lunch in a comfortable silence, with many flirty looks and smiles.
As we leave the restaurant, I decide I can't wait any longer and tell her, "Oh, Xander told me about a new shop downtown."
"New shop?"
I nod and grin at her. Her eyes narrow slightly and I know she's on to me. "Yeah. Something about old books?"
Her eyes start glowing. "Books?" She's almost bouncing. "I like old books. New books too - Pretty much all books!"
I just can't resist. "You do?" I ask, looking confused, I know. "How come I never knew this?"
Willow bumps shoulders with me and shakes her head, telling me "Shut up," in a playful, pouty voice. "Can we stop? Pretty please?
I smile hugely, still not able to stop teasing "Stop? Where?"
"Remember the movie and the cuddling?" my love reminds me with a raised eyebrow
I stop teasing immediately. "Right. Already planned on stopping, honey. Just couldn't wait to tell you." Can't take the chance she might go through with that threat.
"So we can stop?"
I smile and nod. "Have I ever refused you?"
I look at her and see she thinking hard. Her face suddenly clears and she answers, "Only once."
Now I'm confused. I'm not sure I can refuse her anything and I'm sure I'd remember if I did. "I did? When?"
She leans in and whispers, reminding me of the day of the Slayer spell. The day she asked me to kill her.
My face flushes and I look at her disbelieving. "That was different." I assure her.
"How?" she asks, a little confused.
I shake my head. "It wasn't possible - couldn't live without you." I look at her and smirk. "Besides, I knew I wouldn't have to." I lean in and kiss her, a little surprised and the intensity of her return kiss.
As soon as I start the car, she takes my hand and smiles at me. I concentrate on driving for a few minutes, then I remember something.
Glancing at Willow, I ask, "Do you need to go back to Giles today?" I wait a moment, the say, a little louder, "Willow?"
She gives herself a little shake and answers. "Huh?-Sorry baby all distract-y what did you say?"
I smile, knowing she was probably thinking about a shop full of books. Can you be jealous of paper? "I said, do you need to go back to Giles' today?"
"Nah-well maybe since I was late, but he won't mind if I bring him a book tomorrow." She smiles. "He likes books."
"Really?" I ask, my tone wondering. "Never noticed." When she rolls her eyes and me and give me a little frown, I quickly add, "Kidding!". I smile.
She's almost bouncing again and I grin to myself. I love it when she's like this. "I'm a little excited you know how I get when I'm excited. - I get all babble-y and-" As the babblefest starts, I stop the car and lean over, kissing her to stop the flow of words.
Eventually, I have to pull back from the contact, my lips still tingling form the feel of hers. "Yeah I know. Like it when you do that, you know?"
She blushes slightly. "I like how you stop me."
I smile and I know my eyes are sparkling with my love for this most incredible woman. How did I get this lucky? "Is that why you babble? So I'll kiss you? Cause, you could use some kind of signal if that's why. Like maybe just breathing."
Willow smiles and replies, softly, "Maybe-" Suddenly her voice is high and excited as the bookstore comes into view. "Kennedy-it's right there - look! And a parking place. Stop-!"
I have to laugh at her excitement, but I pull into the indicated parking place. Before I can get the car in park, my redhead tries to get out the door, fumbling with the door handle. I chuckle and remind her, "Baby, the door won't unlock until the car's in park."
She blushes brightly. "I forgot-" she tells me, sheepishly.
I chuckle softly and turn the car off. Turning to her, I ask, "Shall we?"
"Yes please!" she bubbles and is gone before I can react. I have to laugh again, as I get out and lock the car. Heading inside, I search for a moment before finding her walking down a row, her fingertips brushing lightly across book spines.
Catching up, I follow her, looking idly to see if anything catches my eye. She suddenly stops and stares at a particular book. I move to her side and see the expression of surprised on her face. Follow her eyes, I look at the book that she's found, watching as she reverently takes it down. "Is that what I think it is?"
Her eyes are wide as she stares at the book in her hands. "Ah -A magic book. Tara had one like it."
"She did?" I ask, keeping my voice soft. It doesn't help as I see the guilt that always accompanies Tara's name. I know she thinks I believe Tara's her only love, but I know she loves me, too. Maybe not quite as much, but it's enough for me. Every time she's mentioned, I've tried to show I don't mind, that I understand that Willow still loves her, even after all this time.
Her answer is a distracted, "Yeah."
Damn. This one's gonna be bad, I can tell. I should have brought Buffy or Dawn in here first, but how was I to know? How could I know there was something here to hurt her? Cursing myself, I force my voice to remain soft, supportive. "It's okay."
Shit. Now I see the shame creeping across her face. She thinks I'm hurt by her thoughts of Tara. I'm not, but I could never make her believe that. "Sometimes things remind me-." she near whispers, looking down.
I have to keep trying to get her to see it's ok. "I understand. You should remember." I pause, then ask, "Do you want it?"
After a moment, she nods slightly. She still won't look up, won't met my eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
She takes a deep breath, shaking her head. Slowly releasing the air in her body, she finally answers. "Nothing."
I slip my arms around her waist and put my chin on her shoulder. "You miss her?"
"I have you," she quickly replies, misinterpreting my question.
I give her a small squeeze, trying to affirm my love for her. "You do, now and forever, but not the question." I wait patiently, hoping she'll answer, knowing she won't.
At last, she whispers, "I can't lose you too." I almost frown, but stop it in time. I really hadn't realized she was this worried about my Slayer's duties. I resolve to do more to reassure her about that. To let her know I'll never leave her.
I wait some more, just holding her, loving her while she processes her emotions. I can almost feel her doing this as she rests comfortably in my arms. Gently, I tighten my hold, just a little. After a few more minutes, her soft voice asks, "Can we go home?"
I nod and move one of my arms, reaching up and taking the book gently from her hands. I start to put it back, but her hand on my arm stops me. I look at her and quietly ask, "Want this one?"
She looks at me, a little worried expression flitting across her features. "Okay?"
"Of course." I tell her. I could never refuse her this, even if I wanted to, and I don't. I know she has nearly nothing to remind her of Tara and anything would be like gold. She looks into my eyes at last and I hope she can tell I'm fine with this. "Ready?"
She nods and, my arm still around her waist, I steer her to the counter and lay the book near the register.
The sales clerk reads the title and his eyes narrow slightly as her inquires, "Are you into that kind of stuff?"
My instincts take over, forcing me alert. I raise an eyebrow, paying close attention to the man. "Got a problem with that?" I'm probably a little harsher with him than I need to be, but my mind is still mostly on worrying about Will.
He holds up a hand, showing no offense. "No-but there's a table full of them over there. The owner said he'd take fifty for all of them. Wants them gone."
I immediately scan the room, looking with Slayer's eyes, seeking trouble, hiding spots, pools of shadow. "What table?" Then I notice one in the direction he indicated with fifteen, maybe twenty books on it. "Oh, that one."
I look down at Willow, see she's looking at the pile too. "Sweetie? You wanna look or come back?"
She finds her voice, replying, "Ah-can we just-"
I nod. She just wants out of here. So not a problem. Returning my attention to the clerk, I pull out my wallet and tap the book Willow wants. "We'll just take this one today."
"No-I mean all of them?" she hurries to correct me. She looks in my eyes and I smile. "Can we?"
"Sure." I give her another little squeeze, then look back at the clerk. "We'll take'em. You got a box?"
He nods. "Be right back," he says, moving off toward the back. A few minutes later, he's back with the box and I hand him a credit card. "Want me to carry this to your car?" he asks as he swipes the card.
I shake my head and hand Willow her book. I smile at her as she clutches it to her tightly. "Nah. I got it." I assure the guy, picking up the box with little effort. Only weighs fifty pounds or so.
The clerk's eyes open a little and he says, impressed, "You must workout."
I just nod, once. "Yeah. I'm a health nut." Turning to Willow, I ask her, "Ready baby?" She nods and we move toward the door. I have to move my arm to open the door, but I take her hand in mine as we approach the car. When we get there, I open her side and wait for her to get in. Closing her door, I go around and unlock mine, reaching over and hitting the trunk release. I set the box in the trunk, my mind still wildly active, trying to think of something to distract my Will,
I get in the car and buckle up, looking over at my love. She just sits, staring out the window. Finally, I have to ask, "You okay, Willow? Baby?"
I wince as the tears start to slip down her cheeks. I want to hold her, but bucket seats are not that practical for that "Yeah."
I know she's just trying to get me to not worry, but I can't help that. I try to tease her out of this mood. "You always cry when you're ok?"
Wiping her eyes, she tries to assure me. "I'll be okay."
I decide to believe her. "Wanna go back to Giles' and show him the books - or home?"
She turns back and looks out at the bookstore again, and I know more memories are surfacing. Softly, she tell me, "Home."
I put my hand on her knee, giving it a little squeeze. "Home it is." I start the car and back out, heading toward out home.
The ride passes in silence, both of us lost in out thoughts. I just think how much I want to make her happy, how much I don't want her to worry. I know one of those worries, a big one, is that I'll leave one day. For some reason I only dimly understand, her mind just refuses to accept that the only I'll ever leave her is if she sends me away. Even death won't stop me. I'll find a way home. To her.
I hear her voice, but not the words, so I pull myself back to the present. "Huh? Need something, baby?"
"I'm sorry I'm all eeeeee -about the book."
I smile at her. "S'okay. I understand." her face still says she doesn't believe me. "Really."
"I love you ."
I take her hand in main and kiss hers. "I love you more." tell her, truthfully. She starts crying again, fat tears easing down her cheeks. Smiling, she takes our joined hands and wipes them away.
Changing the subject, I wonder, "Do you want to go through the box when we get home?"
She shakes her head. "No - tomorrow. Tonight snuggles, remember?"
I smile at her and chuckle a little. "Like I'd forget that! You pick the movie?" I glance form the road to her and back.
"Can it be a cartoon?" She wipes the last of the tears as she asks.
I nod. "Anything you're in the mood for." I smirk. "Can't promise I'll be paying much attention to the television!" She almost smiles and my smirk becomes a grin.
After a moment, she asks, "The Land Before Time?"
I now again, the title sounding familiar. Had we watched it before? "That's a good one, but haven't we watched it before? I kinda tend to lose track of things when you're in my arms." I wink at her.
She smiles and I do as well. "You're such a flirt!"
"Only with you." I assure her, stopping at the last stop sign before the house. Leaning over I kiss her, softly but quickly, then resume the drive.
I smile broadly as our home finally comes into view. Only a year before, I would have looked at it as simply somewhere to sleep and bandage my wounds. She changed that. Now, where ever she is, is home. Now and forever.
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