the Wizard's Lexicon
Part of the secrecy inherent in wizardry is a complex and arcane language of double speak. We have attempted to simplify the sorcerous vocabulary so the lay- entity can understand.
- Alchemy
- 1. The ancient science of mixing two or more items common sense tells you not to mix together to get another highly dangerous substance.
- 2. A dangerous way to make gold.
- ArchMage
- Really powerful mages who are in the last stages of (a) paranoia (b) dementia (c) demi-godding (d) death.
- Apprentice
- Anyone who has learned anything from you and has to be rescued from their own stupidity at least once a season.
- Bats
- 1. The key manufacturer of wing of bat
- 2. A thick wand.
- Cantrip
- 1. The beginners way of sneaking a small revision into the universe.
- 2. Spells you teach your apprentice to keep him out of your hair.
- Cave
- Any hole in the ground that will also serve as a fallout shelter in case of minor gods showing up. Therefore, a preferred wizardly estate.
- Charm
- 1. A magical trinket of dubious value
- 2. The fastest growing cottege industry for mages.
- Coatrack
- see- Transformation.
- Court Magician
- Any mage who has sold out and is having no second thoughts about it.
- Crypt
- 1. A place for storing your enemies.
- 2. A source of cheap labor.
- Crystal Ball
- A spherical device to state the obvious more clearly.
- Curse
- A generic term for any spell you cast which has unpleasant consequences for someone else and humorous aspects for yourself.
- Demon
- Most things summonable.
- Devil
- Demons who live in classier neighborhoods.
- Dragon
- A non-summonable monster with large liquid assets.
- Elemental
- Anything summonable that causes damage an insurance form would list as "acts of nature."
- Familiar
- Any animal or other lower life form you have around to prove you're a wizard to the tax collectors. "Look, I have the black cat, so don't try to tax me."
- Fate
- The layman's explanation of luck, skill and celestial bribery.
- Fireball
- The unimaginitive way of disposing of nuisances such as tax collectors.
- Geas
- 1. A spell to make friends and influence people
- 2. How to make someone else get up and get you a drink.
- Gold
- A compound made of lead and luck.
- Godlings
- God wanna-be's.
- Gods
- Entities that should be avoided.
- Heiromancer
- An ex-apprentice who has made daydreaming into a profession.
- Home
- Where-ever you hang your most serious defensive spells.
- Hunchback
- A person born and bred for the sole purpose of being your lackey, often with one or more endearing character flaws.
- Laws of Nature
- 1. Guidelines followed by the ignorant and bent at will by mages.
- 2. The checklist for the magician's purity test.
- Lead
- A key ingredient of gold.
- Monster
- Anything defying at least one common sense law of nature that you didn't summon up.
- Mortal
- 1. Anyone you can frighten, usually with phrases such as "You puny mortals..."
- 2. The humble and quickly forgotten origin of most mages.
- Necromancer
- A magician that specializes in research and cheap labor.
- Newt
- The key producer of eye of newt.
- Oracle
- A wizard who has all the answers but none of the questions.
- Pentagram
- A wizards' way of saying "I dare you to step over that line."
- Priest
- A person who has sold their soul to another entity cheaply.
- Potted Plant
- see- Transformation.
- Ruins
- Where something frightfully violent has occured, quite often you.
- Runes
- The way you write when you don't want anyone else having a chance of understanding you.
- Soul
- A basic unit of currency. see- Toad.
- Spell
- A way of twisting the universe at right angles to what it would prefer to do. see- Cantrip.
- Staff
- A big wand useful for causing non sorcerous damage to unruly apprentices.
- Succubus
- A member of the escort service run by the netherworlds.
- Summoning
- The easiest way of ordering pizza.
- Tantric Magic
- An excuse to put champagne and roses as buisness expenses on a tax form.
- Tax Collectors
- Mortals who have no sense of their insignificance in the scheme of things.
- Teleportation
- The next best thing to being there.
- Toads
- 1. One of the primal forces of magic, as both ingredients, end products and side effects.
- 2. A basic unit of currency.
- see- Transformation, Soul.
- Tome
- Any book that contains knowledge more expert than how to tie a knot.
- Tower
- A preferred wizardly estate because you can pour your alchemical solutions down below on the tax collectors when they come to visit.
- Transformation
- The imaginitive way of taking care of tax collectors.
- Virgin
- 1. A basic but useless unit of currency.
- 2. The average apprentice.
- Wand
- 1. Any stick you wave at people to divert their attention from the potion you're about to throw at them.
- 2. Any stick much more dangerous than a simple clubbing instrument.
- Wards
- The magical equivalent of a "No Trespassing" sign.
- Warrior
- Any mortal who insists on climbing into a Wizard's tower with a weapon. see - Transformation.
- Witch
- 1.A wizard of a nonstandard sex
- 2.Any woman who wants to wear black nine tenths of the time.
Go to Chris Fischer's Saga.